I watched Finding Nemo the other night and apparently it stuck with me. I will explain more in a little bit.
I was looking at my flabby arms thinking UGH, where have I lost weight at? Where did the 52 pounds come from? Obviously since I look like a bat when I am bare armed and hold my arms up in the goal post position it wasn't from there. I still look like I am melting when I look at myself from the side, so where did it come from!
After the mental bashing I stop and say to myself, "Stop beating yourself up, stop being so hard on yourself! Negative self talk gets you no where but at the bottom of a Ben and Jerry's container."
When I laid my head down to sleep tonight I started thinking "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming." It is from the part of Finding Nemo where a school of fish are about to be swept up by a swimming net. They all have to swim toward the floor of the ocean to snap the line on the net. If they panic they die, if they keep swimming, trusting it will work they will live. I have to keep swimming even though it seems pointless. I have to keep swimming or I will die. I was wide awake at that point and had to get some of this out of my head. Hence I am now blogging at 2:03 AM.
Sometimes realizing that you have around 170 pounds to lose and you have struggled your ass off for nine months to only get to 52 pounds you start to get discouraged. That means I am only losing on average around six pounds and even if I continued on my current track of six pounds a month it will take another year and eight months to lose it all. On top of that I am looking at getting pregnant in the middle of the year and eight months and ugh. You can see where frustration and discouragement can step in.
Ok time for a deep breath here. My goal right now is to drop forty eight more pounds by January to make it to 250. That means I will only have an additional seventy pounds to lose. That does not seem nearly as daunting. I have 29 weeks to lose 48 pounds that is 1.65 pounds a week.
Just keep swimming...
AND THEN - On top of it all, in the middle of everything else, Ike has dyslexia. I've suspected something was up for awhile now (one of my older brothers has dyslexia...