I went and spent way too much money on vury cool shoes.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
I went and spent way too much money on vury cool shoes.
Monday, June 29, 2009
I have cleaned my entire house and I have made it a point to try to do something physical each day. I have also been trying to keep the insane eating at bay while exercising. This has proven difficult as when I exercises my appetite seems to increase as well. I cannot wait to get back to 298 and I look forward to a new decade low of 297.
I have ordered a new swimsuit and cover up in anticipation of joining the YMCA and taking water aerobics. I was very pleased with my superior shopping skills, I got a 96.00 swimsuit and a 48.00 cover up for 55.00 which includes shipping and tax. I was whipping out coupons and discount cards and winking at my computer. Voila super nice swimsuit even better price. I am trying out something new, a "shortini" swimsuit which is two pieces one is a pair of shorts with sewn in panties and the other is a tank top type deal with a built in bra. I am very excited to get them and try them on. Until then I will wear an old stand by swimsuit to class. Now I have to locate a swimming cap so I don't turn my hair green.
I am excited about my weight loss again and the frustration seems to be behind me now. I understand why I got frustrated and I can now put that into perspective and leave it behind. I think one of the best things I am learning through my weight loss endeavors is I am learning more about myself and how my mind works. I am paying more attention to my eating habits and my mood. When I feel rushed, tired, or unprepared I try to use that as an excuse to over eat. I think I need to think around myself and start carrying emergency snacks with me to tide me until I can make it to healthy food. I think I also need some easy quick fix meals at home so I don't use the excuse that "There is nothing pulled out of the freezer", or the classic "I'm too tired to cook". I have also had to learn to listen more carefully to my body. When I am tired I rest, when I am grouchy I usually need food or rest, when I am energetic I get up and move. The more I try to respond to my body's urges the better I feel and the more I feel motivated. I know that this is a cycle and the frustration will return with plateaus and possible up swings in weight will as well. I know that I need to take these in stride and not use them as a reason to throw my hands up and dive into the nearest cheesecake or McDonalds. I am also recognizing that depriving myself of certain kinds of foods can lead me down a unhealthy path. I need to try to find some healthy alternatives to my all time favorite cheat foods. There are certain foods that if I eat them then I go off the deep end and start binging. Everyone has their own personal bevy of things they eat that lead down a ugly path of empty wrappers and guilt. For me it is hot fudge nut sundaes, french fries, hamburgers, tater tots, cake with icing (of just about any kind), potato chips (the uber yummy kind like original ruffles), pimento sandwiches, egg salad sandwiches, and there are a few more but I don't want to sit here and obsess any longer. Speaking of food and obsessing and stuff and things I gotta get to the grocery store. Ta ta for now!
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
It is totally my fault between the lets eat here screw the consequences, back injuries, ankle injuries, pity eating, stress eating blah de blah eat blah.
The hard cold truth is I am back up over 300 and then some. I had been bouncing between 298 and 300 for some time and then booyow right up into 306.
I have made the official decision that I am going to go to the YMCA next week and join up. I am going to start water aerobics and some light weight lifting for my arms. I think maybe some tread mill or elliptical on the non water aerobics days. It will get me out of the house and and doing something good for myself. The Y is only a few miles away and about a 7 minute drive so I will easily be able to dash there and back without much effort.
I am kind of excited about it too. I have a swimsuit which is a little too tight which will be perfect to wear so nothing pops out and I don't ruin the nice ones I got for Disney. Plus those are the skirt kind and it looks like it has floated up on me and my bikini bottoms are showing.
So yeah, gained weight and hating it, but have a plan to fix it. I have had so much crap going on that it will be nice to not have anything going on so I can concentrate more on my health and weight loss efforts.
Tomorrow is another day and another opportunity to turn this boat around and get this weight off.
Gotta keep swimming.
I took my mother in law to the Dr. on Monday. She lives about two hours away and her doctor is two hours from her house. So I spent six hours in the car on Monday...yippee. After spending six hours in the car I mowed her lawn (she has big time back issues). After a few adult beverages I hit the hay-hard. I got up late today and drove back home (2 hours on Tuesday for those counting). I went to Wal Mart grabbed groceries and high tailed it for home. Cooked dinner and then ahh relaxation on the couch with my laptop around nine-ish. SuperWeezie went to go get my laptop for me and said the words of doom "I don't see the power cord for your laptop in your bag.". At that point my stomach and heart shared the same space. A sickening feeling washed over me. My power cord was two hours away. Since I love my laptop and I am on it for at least two or more hours a day not having it was not an option.
SuperWeezie was a trooper and agreed to make the four hour round trip with me. So here I sit at 2:30 AM writing this post to you. I have clocked 19 hours of driving/riding in a vehicle in the last four days and I am pooped! My back is not happy with me at all and I am tired. So since all this tiredness you would think I would be asleep by now. Oh noooooo I am wide awake and typing waiting for back pain meds to kick in. Thank God for back pain meds.
On to other subjects. My pants are fitting, the capri pants that were once saggy baggy about two weeks ago fit perfectly right now. That is not good, not good at all. I have not been able to or wanted to get on a scale the last few days to see just how bad the damage is. I have actually been trying pretty hard to eat well over the last week and have done alright about 87% of the time. So the fitting into the capri pants has made me decide that joining the YMCA is a must. I have to get into the water aerobics class with the quickness! I cannot let myself backslide right back to where I was. I have worked way too hard to get where I am at only to end up back at the beginning.
On a happier note I witnessed my best friend's wedding on Saturday. The wedding was absolutely simple and beautiful. It was great to watch the culmination of a relationship into a happy moment that you can share with close friends and family. I have known her since I was five so it is safe to say that we are acquainted with one another. I was overjoyed to be able to share the occasion with her. Watching her get married reminded me of how happy I was to find and marry my husband. It brought back all the joy and happiness that we felt at that time. It was truly one of the high points of my life.
I think the meds are kicking in I am beginning to sound like a Hallmark card.
Keep your feet on the ground and your head out of the fridge-Puck Out.
Friday, June 19, 2009
This Picture is from Halloween 2001
I don't know why I look like I am in pain, but funny picture never the less.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Ok I have fallen off the wagon, into the gutter and now I am rolling around in the gutter and splashing in puddles.
SuperPucky has been bad, naughty, terrible and made some "ineffective choices" as my therapist would tell me. In other words I am eating like an idiot.
Ever since my trip to Charleston it has just been a free for all of eating like I have a tapeworm and it is all going to magically go away. Eating as if I won't start gaining weight. (Which I have about four pounds or five depending on how my scale feels that morning)
TOM and his unpredictability has me believing that some of the weight gain I have experienced is just water, but personally I think some of it is good old fashioned fat.
Birthdays can be hard for me and I am ignoring that quite well. Yes I am proud that I am much smaller than I was last birthday and I am doing very well. Yes I am proud of the accomplishments that I have made, so why am I undoing them? Why am I backsliding and why can't I stop? I don't get it, I know what is going to happen if I keep this crap up. I know that pizza is not a smart food choice. I know that frappacccpappachinoos from Starbucks are not low in fat. I know that coffee cake is not the way to a smaller me. I know all this, yet I still eat. Am I trying to sooth a hurt that I am ignoring? Am I trying to fill a hole inside myself that I am pretending isn't there? What in the ham sandwich is wrong with my brain?! Grrrrr.
Am I scared that I may succeed? Am I scared that I won't make my goals by January? Am I secretly making the failure true so I don't have to worry about it? Am I thinking to hard?
Ok I have been here before and I have said curse words, threw up my hands and "Ah to hell with it all", gained the weight back and was terribly miserable. Then I begin the cycle again by hitting rock bottom and starting all over. Usually the starting all over is from an even higher weight because I just have to top myself.
So we are going to do things differently this time. I will catch myself before I fall too far. I will stop the "ineffective" eating aka eating like a refugee at the rice drop. I will claim victory over this stupid problem and move forward. :::"Onward Christian Soldiers" playing gradually louder in background:::::: I will not repeat the mistakes of the past because I AM smarter than that. I HAVE learned from my mistakes. I WILL lose more weight and I WILL be SUCCESSFUL! As God as my witness I will not go one more month weighing over 300 pounds! YOU HEAR ME INTERNET! :::shakes fists of fury:::
Monday, June 15, 2009
Our room at the Charleston Marriott
The hotel I booked on hotwire was absolutely gorgeous. It was every bit a 4 star hotel. The room was luxurious and comfortable. The lobby and the pool area was opulent and inviting. The hotel was only five minutes from downtown Charleston and fifteen minutes from the beach. I still marvel at the fact I only paid 100.00 for it. They were running a special this week on their website for 150.00 a night! I wonder what the regular rate is.
Folly Beach, and pier in the background
Fuzband and my scarf trying to attack me
We spent most of Saturday at Folly Beach, it was perfect, warm and sunny and just enough breeze to keep it comfortable. I had packed a picnic lunch of tuna fish, baked lays, deviled eggs, water, and fresh cut fruit.
Photo from http://www.tommycondons.com/
View from the bar while listening to Mr. Steve FM
Friday, June 12, 2009
I was looking at my flabby arms thinking UGH, where have I lost weight at? Where did the 52 pounds come from? Obviously since I look like a bat when I am bare armed and hold my arms up in the goal post position it wasn't from there. I still look like I am melting when I look at myself from the side, so where did it come from!
After the mental bashing I stop and say to myself, "Stop beating yourself up, stop being so hard on yourself! Negative self talk gets you no where but at the bottom of a Ben and Jerry's container."
When I laid my head down to sleep tonight I started thinking "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming." It is from the part of Finding Nemo where a school of fish are about to be swept up by a swimming net. They all have to swim toward the floor of the ocean to snap the line on the net. If they panic they die, if they keep swimming, trusting it will work they will live. I have to keep swimming even though it seems pointless. I have to keep swimming or I will die. I was wide awake at that point and had to get some of this out of my head. Hence I am now blogging at 2:03 AM.
Sometimes realizing that you have around 170 pounds to lose and you have struggled your ass off for nine months to only get to 52 pounds you start to get discouraged. That means I am only losing on average around six pounds and even if I continued on my current track of six pounds a month it will take another year and eight months to lose it all. On top of that I am looking at getting pregnant in the middle of the year and eight months and ugh. You can see where frustration and discouragement can step in.
Ok time for a deep breath here. My goal right now is to drop forty eight more pounds by January to make it to 250. That means I will only have an additional seventy pounds to lose. That does not seem nearly as daunting. I have 29 weeks to lose 48 pounds that is 1.65 pounds a week.
Just keep swimming...
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
My other project is purchasing two by fours for my back yard. The wood is for dig outs aka Flap and Mack reinact Prison Break in my back yard every time they see a pretty red headed retriever wagging her tail down the street.
Of course after the A/C fella finishes his paperwork and what not the sky decides to just pour buckets and lightning and biblical flood like storming. I am not complaining because said A/C fella somehow managed to get his boss to let him install free intake registers in SuperWeezie's and the master bedroom. This will allow us to sleep with the doors closed and it will not make the A/C run constantly and it won't be hotter in our rooms. Hooray!
So needless to say the box materials and the two by fours are still at Home Depot and Mack and Flap have one more night to plan the great escape.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
I am on the verge of dropping just a few more pounds and what stands in my way, TOM, and UTI. Damn you you three letter acronyms for things that make women miserable! (shaking fist)
I am in the zone, I am on cruise control, I am the calorie counting queen and I cannot drop weight because I cannot move my behind! Can you tell that I am frustrated? I spent years and I do mean years gaining weight and being extremely lazy. Now that I am motivated and wanting to move around and exercise and get to where I need to be I can't!
Perhaps this is the dear sweet Lord trying to help me learn patience. I am still getting accustomed to doing things at a smaller size. Things like: being able to sit up from a laying position without help from my arms, getting up from the floor without taking 20 minutes, squatting, getting on hands and knees, and getting up and down from a chair with ease are just a few of the exciting things I can do now. My brain has not quite wrapped itself around the idea of being four sizes smaller yet. Maybe he put this road block in my way to make me stop and smell the roses and be proud of myself. After all isn't it about the journey not the destination?
Monday, June 8, 2009
Arrrgh! A goofy pirate she be!
Last night even though it was a comfy 73/74 degrees in my house I was cold. That should have been the first indicator something was wrong. I felt like I had been kicked by a horse in the lower back and lower front. Again, this should also have been another indicator. So I took some aleve like a good girl, a muscle relaxer for good measure and passed out. Since TOM decided to show up almost a month late I have double duty right now. I figured I was just having my behind handed to me by mother nature.
Then this morning I get a message from the OB office. My mind starts racing a bajillion miles an hour. "Mrs. Puck we are sorry to inform you we were wrong, your ovaries have moved to Baja and are sipping margaritas along with any chance of you having a baby." or "Mrs. Puck you have contracted a rare form of Nobaybitol and you are unable to have children." These were all the wonderful thoughts running through my head as I was put on hold for what seemed to be an hour. Turns out I have a UTI, hooray! I never thought that I would be relieved to find out I have a bladder infection. Yes all my symptoms from yesterday: roaring case of the lazies, chills, back pain, abdominal pain can all be chalked up to a fargin' UTI. Did I mention TOM was here too? Fun fun fun fun fuuuuuun.
Oh yeah, and Mack my "wonderful" Jack Russell decided to have diarrhea at 3:30 this morning in my sisters room on the carpet. Hooray! So that was the very first thing anyone said to me this morning when I woke up. No, wait, I take that back. My fuzband is on call this week for his IT job and was woke up several times this morning for problems. So when I first woke up it was him talking about how he had only slept for an hour.
Just got a call from fuzband he is getting my meds for me from the pharmacy. He left work as soon as he got there because his tummy was doing flips this morning and to top it all off when he got to the security desk the would not let him come in because he didn't have his badge. Even though he walks by this desk every day, he has a tag in his car letting him park in the parking lot, he is obviously dressed for work, his peers can vouch for him. Oh noooo....he couldn't show them his ID....no, the only person who could vouch for him was in a meeting. At that point I think he figured out that he wasn't supposed to be at work today according to security and his flip flopping tummy. Now the fuzband is in a spectacular mood and feels like flaming turds as well.
What in the flappin' crap is going on in the universe? Has some cosmic curse descended upon the Puck household? A plague carrying diarrhea, vomiting, cramps, UTI, back pain, fever...aaaah we have Jelly Fish Flu!
I think I will snuggle up next to my dachshund and put a diaper on him. I see bed in my future as well.
Saturday, June 6, 2009
I am happy to report that this morning I am 298. Yes ladies and germs we are now 52 pounds down! I now only have forty eight more until my OB is happy and I am happier!
Today I decided to make my own personal sabbath and become one with my couch as I turned into the Ipod DJ from Hades. I have been pushing myself non stop for the past two and a half weeks and decided I too needed a day of rest. Now I am regretting it because I am all achey and I have a little pent up energy.
I can tell that I am going to need to find some extra curricular activities sans house this weekend due to the fact it is now my husbands second worksite. I don't like to disturb him while he is making the free world turn via computer.
Since I am done with the marathon weight lifting championship of Elgin, SC aka moving my sister in I think I need to return to exercising normally. I need to check the weather and see if it will permit me to visit a park for a nice walk or something.
Since this post is somewhat boring..... I will present to you Doggy Pictures:
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
The next coolest part was my Dr. did not give me the you are too fat speech blah blah fat blabbity fat blah. He actually gave me an atta girl for the fifty pounds lost. He also told me to keep going on my diet and did everything short of bust out the pom poms and do a split.
Apparently my baby garage is in excellent condition and ready for production. He said he would be super happy if I could be at 200 when I get pregnant but he said that he will be ok with 250. So for the next 6 months I am going to exercise like I have never exercised before, I am going to eat super healthy and watch those portions. I am going to be a lean mean diet machine! I am going to be smaller by Christmas by cracky!
Yes I want to buy a tacky Christmas sweater in a size 18 or maybe a 16!
Forty nine pounds until my OB is happy and I can throw the switch on the baby factory!
::pictures OB in a cheerleading outfit and me in a size 18:::
Yeah, life is good!