Saturday, November 14, 2009

Minus One Evil Organ

Mr. Wonderful Dr., "I would like to wait until you are 16 weeks pregnant at least before we perform surgery."
Gallbladder "Muhahahahahahahahaahahahah!!!! Watch this!" (Evil Villain Fuzzy mustache wiggle followed by excruciating pain and vomiting)
Last Monday my gallbladder bid adieu to my abdomen. Good riddance you dastardly thingy thing you!
They managed to perform the surgery lapriscopically(holy cow is that even a word!?). Let me tell anyone who ever has to get lapriscopic gallbladder surgery. The actual pain from the surgery is not that bad. It is the gas that will kick your behind. They blow CO2 into your belly and it likes to move around from your tummy to your shoulder. Let me tell you this hurt as bad as the gall bladder attacks, passing stones and any other pain I could imagine. Do NOT pass on the pain meds and pick up some Gas X, a heating pad, and a nice person who will rub your shoulder and beat on your back. The smartest thing I could think of was leaning on the back of a recliner and having the fuzband play bongos on my back. Burping has never ever felt so good.
The good news is that the baby is doing great and so am I. They gave me an ultrasound before and after the surgery. As usual the little astronaut was in there flipping, rolling, wiggling and rolling to and fro.
I am going back to work on Monday (I hope). I am actually a bit nervous about going back and I am not really sure why. I am afraid that some of the vital information I learned in training escaped with my gallbladder. I know I am being silly and I need to suck it up and go back to work.
Today I ventured out of the house for the first time for a small grocery trip and that just about kicked my butt. I felt like I just got over the flu...all tired and achy like. I had to get out of the house before my dogs started answering me when I talked to them.
Well that is the most coherent entry I could come up with. I am going to go before it all goes to poop.

Saturday, November 7, 2009

The Missing Puck

I have to apologize to all Superpucky fans. I have been absentee. Partially due to slackerness and some just plain was life hitting me with a crate of lemons.
First of all SuperBaby is just fine and dandy and performing Cirque du Soleil in my uterus. I mean this with all sincerity. I have had two ultrasounds in the last few weeks and my little astronaut was in there doing back flips and spinning. It was waving it's little skinny arms and legs around. It was rolling from side to side and just having a big ol' time in there.
Superpucky on the other hand is not doing as well as Superbaby. What I thought were gastric reflux attacks were actually gall stones. The weekend before Halloween I actually passed a gall stone. I have looked up on line what type of pain this is and how it compares to other pain. Women who have had natural child birth and have passed a gall stone say that the gall stone is worse. I went to two Doctors offices, drank tons of GI Cocktail (usually nectar of the Gods, but not in this instance) and after 24 hours of continuous pain checked myself into the ER. They in turn put me on morphine and checked my behind into the hospital.
I met my nifty surgeon who told me that he would have normally performed surgery right then and there. The hold up was Superbaby. He wanted me to be at least 16 weeks along to have surgery. He allowed me to eat what resembled food at the hospital, waited to see if I would explode and when I didn't sent me home with pain pills.
He wants to go ahead and perform surgery during the 2nd trimester since the baby is far enough away from my gall bladder to not prevent more complications. There is a chance of pre-term labor since they have to blow carbon dioxide into my abdomen to get the lapriscopic scopes in. I am praying that they are able to perform lapriscopic surgery because it is three one inch incisions versus having a cyclops smiley face composed of my boob and scar.
The surgery is actually performed on an outpatient basis. Which was a little surprising, but I would rater be miserable at home then in a hospital. So now I can look happily forward to losing a body part the week of Thanksgiving. The upshot is I will probably feel well enough to actually have turkey, mashed potatoes and gravy.
I am a bit scared to say the least and I am mostly worried about the baby. Prayers are asked for the baby please.
As if I didn't have enough drama going on in my life my OB dropped me like a hot potato. Since I was going to a practice that had several Doctors I was on a rotation for each visit so I could meet each one of them. I was on my second Dr. when I met Dr. A-Hole. He had no tact and was horribly unprofessional.
The gist of the conversation we had was that I am too fat to be seen by his practice and oh that I am putting my baby in horrible danger. I tried feebly to talk to him prior to his diatribe about my surgery and medication. He waltzed right past that to light into me about how serious of a health threat I am imposing on my child being as over weight as I am. After ten minutes of being told of every worst case scenario of high risk labor and that his practice can no longer treat me I was in tears. I asked him if I could have a moment to compose myself and he continued to babel incessantly. I am not exaggerating in the least to say I was being machine gunned every mother's nightmare by the stuttering Dr. A-hole OB from hell. I had to ask him AGAIN if he could just give me a moment to pull myself together, and he did not stop. Finally I had about all I could take and said "Could you just shut your mouth for a minute." I mumbled as I wept. He snatched up my file and said in a huff as he stormed out of the office, "I can shut up forever!"
At that point my beeper for my blood sugar test was going off and I was able to escape to have my finger stabbed. Surprise surprise my blood sugar is perfect and my blood pressure is even lower than normal for me (and I have really good blood pressure). I am having a tough time keeping it together as I am waiting to get my ultrasound and it seems tainted. I am seeing my baby in person for the second time (first time was when I was admitted to the hospital). I knew that I shouldn't get too comfortable because this is the last time I am going to see this practice, and with good riddance at this point.
After the consult to end all consults and the weepy ultrasound it is time for a PELVIC exam. Now I get to let a man who has pissed me off, told me to go elsewhere, and made me cry stick his fingers inside of me. I don't let my husband do that crap! He then apologizes profusely and for some oddball reason asked me if I wanted to perform a c-section or deliver from "down below". Uhhhh did you mean to tell me a friggin OB just said "down below" do you mean vaginally? Down below, do you mean I want to deliver in Australia, Florida, Mexico...WHAT?!
I walked into the practice hoping for information, reassurance, and a nice ultrasound and left feeling less than human and like the worst Mommy ever. In hindsight I am so glad that I don't have to see Dr. Down Below A-Hole ever again.
The upshot to the worst OB visit ever is that I am now going to a high risk specialty practice at the University of South Carolina. I am going to be seeing people who only deal with high risk pregnancy and I won't have a stuttering jerk telling me I am too fat to be a good mother.
Other than the occasional gallstone pain I am actually feeling really good and I have LOST weight (Hear THAT Dr. A-hole!). You heard me correctly I am have actually dropped a few pounds. Don't worry I am eating my 1800 calories a day and eating very healthy. I have to eat a low fat diet because fat and grease cause the gall bladder to kick into overdrive. Lord knows we want to keep that body part happy for the next few weeks.
That is all for now, I will try to update more frequently
Until next time keep your head in the produce section and you butt out of McDonalds.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Welcome to Crazytown Pop.1 and 1/8th

Some days you just want to delete right off the ol' DVR of life.
Today would be one of those days. It was a icky wet nasty grey sky'ed chilly mess. There were three wrecks within a mile of one another on the interstate. I had an "assessment" at work today (PC name for a freakin' test). They "discretely" pulled people out of the room to give them their results. People came skipping back in the room proudly telling of their 99 out of 100, 95 out of 100 and similar scores.
I became more and more worried when everyone in the room had been called except for me. Then they call me back into another room which coincidentally had another employee in it. The one trainer stood behind me towering over my chair like a scolding parent. The other one sat next to me with the look of confusion and pity. I opened up the test booklet to reveal a failing grade. It looked like someone bled all over my paper. The first question from the pity face trainer was "What happened?" At that point I think all of the blood I had in my body was pooled in my stomach. My eyes resembled that of a puppy that has been told all the dog cookies were gone and I was a bad bad puppy.
They then proceeded to ask me to go through and demonstrate the sucktittude with which I spectacularly failed. I had to go through question by agonizing question and show my complete ineptness and failure to grasp the material. Oh yes, they did. By the way I did ask Igor behind me to sit down. Due to the fact I was a little freaked to have someone towering over me while I was horribly embarrassed. In a nutshell, it sucked..really freakin' sucked.
The blood began to rush back to my face as I went through the question gauntlet. I could feel the blush beginning and the tears brimming. I managed to suck it up until I was done with the questioning. After I left the room of doom I was trying to dart to the rooms where you can make private phone calls so I could bawl my eyes out alone. OF COURSE someone has to see me and wants to ask me what was wrong. I couldn't talk the tears started streaming and I basically bolted from the area. That person got one of our peer coaches (aka not really a supervisor manager thingy) and sent her to save me from the depths of despair. All I really wanted to do was lose my sh*t, pull it back together and move on with the day. Was that going to happen? Holy poop piles NOOOOOO!
I had to explain that I was feeling all hormonal, and I was over-reacting and I was fine. All the while I am thinking "Leave me alone to have a good sob fest!!!" I finally appeased her and she let me go .
After wiping the mascara from under my eyes and making sure there were no boogies around my nose I made my way back into the class. I was hoping to become one with my chair and remain invisible for the remainder of the afternoon. It was only an hour left in the day, I was almost free. I could find the nearest purveyor of hamburgers and carb load myself into a coma. Then I could go to bed and cry into my sweet little dogs' fur. Well that crap wasn't happening. Yet ANOTHER trainer shows up and calls me out of the room. Out into the hallway where MY MANAGER was waiting for me.
At this point I am ready to pass out from sadness, aggravation and anger. I follow my manager into another chamber of shame. I then begin to regurgitate everything I could think of to get her to believe that I was going to: "soldier forward", "pull up my bootstraps", "go bravely where no pregnant girl has gone before"..blah de blah bull crap blah.
After a HALF HOUR of searching my poor scrambled brain for any semblance of a reason why I failed the first "easy" test we were finally done. I was watching the clock behind her (hopefully not obviously) and it was only five minutes til' complete breakdown time! Hooray! Then a knock at the door and MY MANAGER's Manager pops in. HOOFREAKIN' RAY is the CEO of the company available? I am sure that he would like to put his two cents in about my atrocity of a test. The Manager's manager wanted to make sure everything was OK. No it is not OK, everything is wrong and awful! I need a hug, and a blanket, and my Mommy, and a sticker, and maybe a lolly pop.
So where is that erase button again?

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Worky Work Busy Bee!

I am 10 weeks soon to be 11 and my energy has returned somewhat! I don't feel like I have run a marathon with another person strapped to me at the end of everyday. I am not counting on this trend to continue. I am learning to take this pregnant thing one day at a time.
Work has been hectic, interesting, exciting and believe it or not fun. I am making really cool new friends. Women I actually look up to, like the ex-police officer and military police woman in my class. She can seriously kick butt, she is really smart and super nice. There is a single Mom of four who moved from NY to SC by HERSELF! Holy crap she is my new hero.
These girls are schooling me on pregnancy, being working mom's and they have totally embraced me in the Mommy Sorority! I feel loved SQUEE!
My supervisor is WAY cool, she is a mother of four and her youngest is 6. She has been a working mom most of her career at my job. She is being super supportive of me and my doctor appointment/training conflict issus. She was not able to come down to talk to me during training so she called me on the way home, on her cell phone, on the way to pick up her teenager from school. Go supermommanagerlady YEA! When she called me this afternoon I knew I struck gold with my manager.
Tonight I managed to cook dinner, pick up the house a little bit and I am working on the laundry. I barley got anything done last week but making an imprint of my behind on the couch.
What a difference a week makes!
The only bit of whining I have is my flatulence issues. Good lord I could blow up a hot air balloon and float that sucker to Alaska. It is getting ridiculous y'all. Last night I ran the dog out of my bedroom! (No that is not me being overly dramatic, it actually happened) Thank goodness the trouser symphony kicks off in the evening and early morning so I am sparing my coworkers olfactory senses.
I have to go work on laundry so I must bid you all goodnight.
Remember keep your car in your lane and your nose upwind from me.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Sweet Relief

Yesterday morning I could have sworn I had a video camera peeking in through my curtains. It felt like I was on some cheesy sitcom and I was waiting for the canned laughter.

I got an email from my HR manager at my new job asking me to call her night before last. The next morning I get up to call her. I get up and dial the number. The ever so sweet fuzband decides to take out the trash and starts to bang the bag on the floor (loudly) while I am listening to the ring. Then I friggin' GET HER NAME WRONG! Not once, not twice, THREE FRIGGIN' times. I am struggling here you guys. If you will recall that when I first interviewed with her and two other managers it was like being interviewed by Mt. Rushmore with matching personalities. Instead of trying to help me out by saying her name she starts saying "There is no one here by that name, I am sorry I don't know who you want.". Yeah...she has people skills. By the way this is a customer service job and this lady has MILES of interpersonal skills. As I am struggling to remember her name the trash banging husband BREAKS WIND in the kitchen. I mean one of those farts that should be recorded in the "Gastrointestinal Hall of Fame". At this point I am paralyzed with fear. Did she hear him fart? Does she hate who ever this idiot who can't remember her name? Oh yeah and I am about to tell her I AM PREGNANT. This is off to a roaring start.

I finally remember her first name and manage to mumble it out and she recognizes that I want to speak to her the HR manager who I have already asked for. Yeah...I can see me going to her with aching personal issues in the future. UGH. I tell her I am pregnant and I get a congratulations so dry it makes Arizona look like a tropical rain forest. I explain to her my concerns and fear about missing training class and getting in trouble for absenteeism. That I want to be open and up front blah blah blah. Believe it or not I get the classic pass the buck. Talk to your manager and talk to your trainer and try to work around their schedule. I might as well have told her that I had warts that needed removing on my left knee and I had to have a procedure done. It was handled with little to no tact. So screw it. I am not going to go to her for jack from here on out. Obviously if she is not concerned about the whole issue I am not going to stress over it myself.

I am going to my OB appointments come hell or high water because this baby is coming whether my job cares or not!

Yeah, the pregnancy hormones have not kicked in at all...

On other fronts I am taking benefiber..take a wild guess why. The scale says I have gained four pounds in two days and I am not buying that it is fat and water. Lets just say things are not moving along like they should. I am going to make stir fry for dinner and see if that doesn't "motivate" things.

Until next time keep your chin up and your lunch down.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

I am turning into a bear

I have gone from not enough sleep to hibernation mode. Don't get me wrong, I am not complaining. I am overjoyed at the sleep! I just feel like I can't get enough. I feel like my body has been taken over by space aliens and I don't know how to react to it. I guess if you think about it, in a way it has been sort of taken over by an alien (baby). OMG I just called my baby an alien! Well it does have a big head and is tiny and is controlling my entire life from inside me.
I am waiting/ scratch that impatiently stamping my foot waiting for my HR manager to call me. I sent her an email yesterday requesting that we meet this week. I wanted to discuss my "condition" and my upcoming Dr. appointments to see if this was going to be problematic and I should just go find another job. I am all about getting straight to the point. I hate the stupid dance of "Are you going to put up with me being an employee and a mommy? Or am I just going to get canned after you get aggravated with the monthly/bimonthly/weekly appointments so I am screwed in my third trimester and unable to get a job?" Have I been thinking about this much...NOOOO what ever gave you that impression?
I hate obsessing, I hate the unknown, I hate the unpredictable, I hate them all UGH! So you know this whole pregnancy thing has been spectacular for those particular hates right? My body is unpredictable, my life is unpredictable, EVERYTHING is unpredictable now. Everything right now is a gigantic question mark.
Would anyone like some cheese to go with my whine about right now? I am sorry I just had to get that off my chest. Lord knows it is overloaded right now anyways.

Monday, September 28, 2009

It Isnt Easy Being Green

Yes it is easy to be green actually. I have been green most of this weekend. Green and stooped over calling God on the big white phone. Ahh I couldn't have POSSIBLY escaped pregnancy without barfing my brains out.
Don't forget that romantic 2:15 AM jaunt to the ER with the most excruciating GERD flare up ever. Yes fuzband and I spent three fun filled time wasting hours going to the ER only for the symptoms to subside by the time I actually got to go to a bed. I opted to leave before I had to wait another two and a half hours to actually see the doctor. I figured that if it had gone away then I was out of any real danger. Since I had been riding the vomit comet all night long on Saturday then you know Sunday was even more fun. My poor beat up digestive system was achy and painful. I learned how to fall asleep while nauseated. I think it was plain being exhausted.
Good news is that I woke up today with no nausea and little to no crampiness. I decided to take things easy and ate banana and a bowl of oatmeal. I feel pretty good, I am still a little tired but I think that is to be expected.
Last night fuzband and I went to bed at about 4:00 and did not get up until about 9:00 AM today. I usually rotate around like a chicken on a spit but I managed to get in some pretty awesome sleep. Yes, blessed wonderful great awesome spectacular....SLEEEEEP.
My CVS test has been scheduled for the middle of next month. I am hoping the fact that I have to take off for two Dr. appointments almost immediately after being hired won't screw up my job. I feel torn though, I am NOT sacrificing the well being and health of my child for a job. At the same time I need my job to pay off bills. I am just hoping that my job will understand, if not I will have to look for another job I suppose.
I hate being stuck in this position. I wish I could just stay at home and worry about being a good Mommy and not so much about money. We must do what needs to be done and soldier on. In the end it will all result in me being able to stay at home indefinitely. If I try to stay at home now I will constantly be looking over my shoulder for that one "thing" that will cause me to have to go back to work. I want to tell my baby no because I don't want them to have something, not because I can't afford it.

Friday, September 25, 2009

Ok so I can get all pregnant looking now

Oh happy day, my mommy clothes have gotten here. After using several pillows and finding just the right one I used it as a placebo baby. I tried them on and dare I say I looked...cute. I looked all mommy-ish. I mean I am sure my face will be much more puffy and my behind may be a bit bigger but I picked out shirts and pants that make being Mommy look pretty darn fetching. I think I got some threads that will take me from now until after the baby is born. I tried to follow all the Girlfriend's guide to pregnancy advice and buy: lightweight, stretchy, cotton, button down (for nursing), big enough, yet flattering clothing that will be suitable for work and home. That wasn't such a tall order to fill was it? I even got a pair of stretchy jeans with a big elastic waist that will more than accommodate me and superbaby.
I can still wear most of my clothes now and fortunately still have a few older bigger clothes to wear so I think I have enough of the size spectrum. I don't think I am going to run out of things to wear.
This morning was absolutely blissful. I woke up and ran to the potty as normal. Then I went RIGHT, BACK TO SLEEP! Oh, there was a low trumpet flourish and a beam of soft light went over my face as I drifted back off to night night land with Flap Jack and Rusty as my wingmen...um..er...wingdogs. I slept until 10:00 and it was everything I hoped it would be. I am really going to enjoy this last week of freedom and excessive sleeping.
The food cravings are in full swing, I have craved hamburgers, veggies, fruit, every dairy product you could possibly name, mac and cheese, baked potatoes, sweet potatoes, more veggies, chinese veggies, and did I mention I be lovin' on some veggies? I sort of roll with the cravings because 9 times out of 10 they are for healthy things. Speaking of food I have to go grocery shopping. I think this might be scary due to the amount of hunger I have been exhibiting, I may need to eat immediately prior to shopping. I can see it now I would come home with nothing but cheese, ore ida fries, and microwavable pizza and hamburgers.
Now off to make that grocery list....

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Baby Mama Update

I got canned today. I don't mean people were pelting me with Green Giant nibblets corn. I mean I was "let go", "released from my position", "fired", "ousted", "laid off", "kicked to the curb" etc.
Yes the supervisor I was working for at my temp. job left for the rest of the week (which he neglected to inform me and the temp service of) and a new woman took his place.
A evil shrew of a woman that shall not be named but rhymes with spaniel gave me the heave ho. She was absent for the first week and a half I worked there and when she returned hell came on her heels like flying monkeys. She was crabby, bitchy, PMS-ey, and scary to everyone but the other temp Kim and me. She was scrawny (yes I am going to hate on skinny women for a minute, sorry girls) and looked like she need a good meal, some hot sex, and a big giant margarita. She was horribly uptight, if you had a dull pencil I am sure you could use her ....ok I won't go there.
The first supervisor was very pleased with my performance and all was going along swimmingly until Ms. Voldemort showed up and wielded her bony hips at us and hissed like a possum caught in a trap. I tried to quit twice with the temp service only to be talked down out of the tree. As I suspected our days were numbered and when we returned from lunch today we were informed that "They no loner needed us."
All I have to say is good riddance. I have another job lined up and ready to go, this job was a nice stop gap and some much needed extra income. I am already tired, cranky and a little stressed. Who needs this crap!?
I do however feel for my new found friend who needed the job more than I did. She is a single Mom trying to bust back into the workforce and was hoping the position would last longer than it did. I am going to try to help her find something by perusing careerbuilder and monster in search of employment. Anyone reading can you please say a little prayer for her? God knows who she is and will help her and her baby out.
I am so blessed to have a good husband, a good job, and so far a healthy pregnancy. Meeting my new friend reminded me of how very fortunate I am and that I need to be grateful for everything I have in my life. I am VERY fortunate and VERY blessed. Thank you God!
As far as my pregnancy goes I am still feeling tired. The achy boobage comes and goes. It is not as bad as it was next week, but I am sure that will change. I am starting to have some days with better energy levels which is encouraging.
I ordered four nursing/maternity bras from breakoutbras.com and they arrived today. I am soooo happy I got them now. I tried one on about an hour ago. It felt so good I am still wearing it. It is 100% cotton cups and straps and it feels like HEAVEN. Nothing is hurting, everything is where it should be and I can't feel the bra. It is that comfortable. I see a second order for more in my future.
I went online and bought some maternity like shirts from Avenue, lots of empire waists and baby doll style button down shirts. I am taking a cue from some of the books I have been reading that recommend buying something you can wear long after the baby is born so you can nurse easily and comfortably. I got a few pairs of knit straight leg pants in 30/32 so I can accomodate my belly comfortably and not look like I am wearing tights. I figure I will wear what I own now until they get to small and save the big pants for the third trimester. I got a super deal on the pants only 15.00 each! The shirts were all under 20.00. I think between what I have and what is coming I will be a stylish Mommy.
I went to my first OB appt. last Monday and got a flu shot, had blood drawn, was told I was pregnant (surprise!..? heh). I asked about a gazillion questions and was very pleased with all the answers. I asked for a CVS test (Chorionic Villus Sampling), it is where you take a sample of the fine hair like projections from the placenta and they test it for a multitude of genetic problems. It can screen out Tay Sachs, Downs Syndrome, and a bunch more I can't remember. The bestus part is they can tell me the sex of the baby! I will probably go in for it in about two weeks. It is done going up the birth canal vs. a gigantic scary needle like amnios are done. Much less panic enducing. I am getting this done just because I am a plus size pregnancy and I am close to 35. I would like to make sure everything is going well in there with my Superbaby. The other cool part is that they will have to do an ultrasound so I get to hear my baby's heartbeat two weeks earlier than I would if I waited until my 12 week check up. YAY! I will bring tissues with me.
When I was at my appointment I couldn't help but look around at the new and expectant Mommy's around me, I made a mental note to try to be a little more diligent about my appearance. Perhaps I will get to the point where I am too big or too tired to care. I hope not.
I will make another post soon as I can and try to keep you up to date.
Until next time keep your feet off the coffee table and your finger out of your nose.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Working Girl

What SuperBaby looks like right now
I know my posts have been a little sparse lately. For that I do apologize. I have had a little bit extra on my plate lately.
I have been working a temp job and I thought it would be no big deal. Of course I thought that BEFORE I found out about Superbaby. It is amazing that something the size of a donut sprinkle can cause you to feel like you have run a marathon all day. I get home from work and I am ready to eat the first thing I see (run doggy run!). After I have found something to devour I go find my new best friend, Mr. Couch. Mr. Couch is my buddy, he is my pal, he is so comfy and loves me so.
I am really getting sick of the painful boobs which are getting bigger. That just plain frightens me. I have always been extra "blessed" when it comes to my spectacular boobage. Now I am frightened of what the titty fairy will be bringing me for Christmas. The Titty Fairy is a product of "The Girlfriends Guide To Pregnancy" which I HIGHLY recommend for anyone who is pregnant or thinking of being pregnant. It tells you everything from the amazing gas that you get to the weird sex dreams, to pooping during labor. Pretty much everything your Doctor won't tell you.
I also feel like I am getting ready to start my period at any second because I have what feels like the start of cramps all the time. Fortunately they are not the curl up in bed and cry cramps they are the "Oh Crap Where is my Tampons!?" cramps. (I know TMI, TMI, sorry you are just going to have to bear with me during this whole pregnant thing.)
I have my first appointment next week. Oh joy a pelvic exam! What I always wanted!!! I will bring you an update on all the news the Dr. has to give.
Why did they just have to show pancakes on TV!? I love pancakes, I love them almost as I love the Fuzband. Ok well maybe not that much, but, I do love them. Now I want pancakes and the pork chops in the kitchen are just not going to look the same.
I finally heard back from the "permanent" job I was waiting on and have been offered a position. Ironically enough I had scheduled an interview about three hours prior because I had not heard from the "permanent" job. There is no stress here because I know I HAVE a job. I am entertaining the idea of working for them vs. desperate and begging.
Until next time keep your feet on the ground and your underwear out of your butt.

Monday, September 14, 2009

Buns Anyone?

I am probably going to be chastised by someone for announcing this "too" early. SuperPucky is SuperPreggy. Seven weeks to be exact.
Ok, you may get off the floor and return to your seated/laying/floating/orbiting position.
It was September 10th approximately 7:00 PM and I was killing time before I met the Fuzband for dinner. I decided to buy a pregnancy test for sh*ts and giggles since TOM was over a week late. I knew that the result would be negative because it was the week before. I just knew this was a waste of time. Hey, I had an hour to kill and I had to pee so what the hell!
I decided that the Wal Mart bathroom was the best place to pee on a stick and settled to do my business. I fought with the wrapper cursing it silently in the stall and finally got it open. Then I whizzed on the end of it and sat it on top of the toilet paper dispenser to watch the ONE pink line show up. Before the test could completely finish it's two minute requirement TWO lines were staring me in the face. I had already read the instructions on the box and on the test itself. I had to read them again and again. Two lines meant that you are preggers. TWO lines 1,2...one two ment that you are going to have a baby omgyouaregoingtohaveababyomgomgomg!!!
At that point it took everything I had in my being to not scream at the top of my lungs in the handicapped stall of a Wal Mart bathroom for fear someone would think I was mental. I tried to hold in the tears of happiness as I walked out of the bathroom. How crazy would I look coming out of the bathroom at Wallyworld with a goofy smile on my face crying my eyes out.
I called my SuperWeeze before I even made it to the car. Within thirty minutes half of the east coast knew I had ye' old bun in oven. The one person who didn't know was the most important, SuperDaddy. I thought it best to tell him in person lest he put his car upside down on the side of the interstate. That and the fact that he was due any minute to meet me for dinner. In the romantic light of the Mexican restaurant sodium lights I gleefully showed him my two lined surprise.
Now I have hurty tatas and crampiness and smellavision and a little bit of disbelief that in the first week of May I will be welcoming a new person into the world.
I am now working a temp job and I am waiting on my "permanent" job to call me back and tell me that I for reals have a job. The "permanent" job was calling all of my references and checking my job history last week so I assume I should hear something within the next few days.
My life is pretty much inside out and upside down right now and I have this strange feeling of "it is all good" mixed with mild hysteria. I am just rolling with it at the moment.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Depeche Mode, Employment, and other Developments

Lots o' things happening in the world of Puck right now. Good things, interesting things, weird things and stuff.
Last week I was sooooo sick. Fuzband and I both got a nasty little cold, went to the Dr. got meds and guess who got sicker and who got better? Yes, was I the Lady of the Perpetual Whine and Sneeze who got very, very, very sick. As of today I can officially announce almost one week later I am back to 100%.
I have modified my diet to accommodate the flaming basketball reflux problem. I am avoiding all things acidy and drinking milk and eating small meals and blah de healthy blah blah. The only good thing that came of the vomit-go-round and the illness is the fact that I went from the brink of 299 to back to 291. I hate to lose weight that way, but, I will take lower numbers when I can get them!

Went to Atlanta last week (pre-illness) saw Depeche Mode, they rocked it out......best Concert EVER! I absolutely loved the stage show and the music was amazing. If this show ever comes near you I highly recommend it. I was actually able to snag a T-shirt that FIT yes I got a 2x and the thing fits! This is so way cool considering I have not been able to buy a shirt with a neat logo on it or design because my awesome boobage was too large.
The show was held in an amphitheater and the weather actually cooperated and was even on the coolish side. The atmosphere was very cool people were actually tailgating outside the concert blasting DM from their car speakers. Very very cool people, very very cool crowd. I met some really awesome DM fans and had the time of my life.
For concert accommodations I went on Priceline.com (yes I bet you are picturing William Shatner about right now doing his karate moves) and got the Fuzband and my girlfriend rooms at the Sheraton Atlanta for 50.00 each! The hotel was very, very nice but difficult to maneuver around in. There were two towers so each room had a north and a south twin. The staff was wonderful with the exception of the valets who practically attacked us upon arrival.
I have gotten a job, almost, I have taken the drug test and signed the offer letter. I am now waiting on a phone call to tell me that I have passed all obligatory background checks. A call to confirm that I have been offered a position with them O-ficially. This job process has given me the lab rat feeling, when exactly do I get that cheese? Not only do I have that iron in the fire, but I am working a temp job tomorrow and the next few days. Pretty simple, sit down call people and verify information for an online school, make 9.00 an hour. Yea!
Since I have the impending jobs coming up I needed to bolster my wardrobe with another pair of dress/casual pants and a pair of black shoes. Off to Avenue I went coupons in fist. Now from previous posts you have heard my tales of woe about wearing umpteen different sizes at different stores. So I was fully prepared to try on three or four sizes in each pant I tried on. To my delight the clerk found the perfect khaki's at a decent price. Do you know what size I wore? Do you? Hmmm? A twenty freakin' two! Holycrapomgwowzer! Yes the size 26 pants actually were SAGGY! They didn't have any 24's in that style so I was forced to try on a pair of 22's and they fit! They really fit! I mean yes they are a little snug here and there but that is nothing that cannot be smoothed out with the proper pair of Spanx. I am actually opting to buy my clothes slightly small right now so I don't shrink out of them when my weight goes down again. I actually bought a few shirts on clearance in anticipation of needing them when my other shirts begin to get a little too big.
Of course Avenue being Avenue I could not resist picking up a short sleeved light weight red ribbed sweater. (was that enough adjectives there for ya?) A long sleeved black one button lightweight cardigan and boots. Yes the mostest awesomest boots. I felt like Wonder Woman prancing around in the boots. The superhero feeling was there for several reasons, 1. I could put on a pair of boots with a heel 2. I could actually walk in them 3. They are flattering 4. they are stylish and in fashion. I got a pleather black pair with a nice little chunky heel and a pair of chocolate suede espadrille heel pair. How much did I spend for all the loot you ask? 102.00 for all of it. Yes, you read correctly two pair of boots, one pair of pants, one shirt and a cardigan for 102.00. I am still reeling myself, I saved over 50.00 in coupons and sale prices. I claim shopping coux of the week!
Lastly TOM is conspicuously missing. He was supposed to be here on September 2nd if you go by the last two cycles or he was supposed to be here on the seventh or eighth if you go on what my cycles USED to be. Umm today is now uh the 10th and we have no TOM. I took a pregnancy test about a week and a half ago when he first went missing and it came up negative. Now I am wondering should I go back and get another? Is TOM just hiding out because of all the stress and illness or is there a bun in the oven????? Will keep you updated.
Until next time keep your feet on the ground and your fingers out of your nose.

Monday, August 31, 2009

Fritter, Depeche Mode and September

Fritter, no not the kind you eat at the fair.

Fritter like when you are playing the hurry up and tell me how the next few years of my life are going to go fritter. Tell me if I am going to get this job. TellmeifIamgoingtogethisjobnowdammit!
The head hunting firm tells me last week we should know something by the end of the week (that was last week). The actual company I will be working for tells me THREE WEEKS. Uhhhhhh bit o' discrepancy there folks? So I sent off an email to the recruiting firm agent that was the nicest to me and asked for some clarification. I am hoping I didn't sound desperate and the vague hint of "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?" didn't bleed through on the email.

I am finally making friends with the idea that I am going back to work. At first I looked at it like the mean girl with freckles and red hair that picked on me while on the school bus. Then I looked at going back to work as a teacher who loved to give extra school homework. I have finally made to the phase of, ok well extra money will be nice and lack of anxiety at bill paying will be nice. So now the going back to work thing is sort of like a friend I don't know much about but I will give it the college try to be nice to.


Just got return email from headhunting firm:

We should know something by the end of this week. I heard your interview went well and they are considering you. I will let you know more as soon as I can.

OK I don't think I am reading anything into that when I say OMG OMG OMG OMG.....it sounds like "I think you have the job but my head will be on a pike if I tell you that because I can't because they haven't O-ficially announced it."

Hooray huzzah and what not. About 38% of anxiety has been alleviated. More to come on Frrrriday.

SuperWeezie will making her exit on Wednesday which does bring a measure of angst to my heart. It will be bittersweet to see her go. The moving is a good for her and full of anxiety for the both of us.
Tomorrow, tomorrow we'll start the day tomorrow with a road trip to......HOTLANTA. I am going to see the bestus most wonderfullest greatest band in the history of bandom...Depeche Mode. (oooh feel the collective shudder) I have been waiting since I was 13 to go see this band. Primarily because I have not lived close enough to go see them and didn't have the funds to do so. So the bright shiny spot has finally arrived for this week I get to go scream my lungs out tomorrow for one of my most favorite bands ever!

Lastly, since I wrote a letter to August it seems only fair to write to September.

Dear September,

Oh sweet September, full of promise of lower temperature and football. September home of Labor Day and last summer hurrah. How I love you September, do you love me too? Will you be nicer to me than that A-Hole August?

You have already made me uber happy with nice seventy ish degree weather for my most favoritmus band ever concert. You have also chosen to have that concert on the first day of the month. How very nice of you September.

I know by the end of the week you will let me know that I have gotten a job or not. Oh please September be nice to me give me a few more weeks of sweet freedom before I am bound by a work schedule. Give me fuzzy puppy nuzzles and sleeping in late with the Fuzband.

If you want you can make TOM disappear for nine months. If you can't manage that this month can you put in a good word for me with October? See me and October go way back, we are buds.
See you in about 8 hours September, boy I sure am glad you are almost here.

Extra Sloppy Kisses,

Saturday, August 29, 2009


I am sure I probably mispelled absenteeism, at 3:50 AM who gives a crap anyway.

Things have not been really super for SuperPucky.

.....this is a cathartic post and not particularly sunshine and roses type diatribe so feel free to skip.

Let us begin the list because I just have to get this off my chest:

1. Acid reflux attacks-imagine a basketball that has nails sticking out of it inside of your chest. This basket ball is slowly being inflated and then lit on fire while it over inflates. The pain is excruciating and if I had not already had one before you would swear to God it was a heart attack. Pain so unbelievably bad I was driving like a bat out of hell to the nearest hospital with nothing but panties a night shirt and my Dooney and Bourke. This is now under control thanks to medication. Praise god for Protonix.

2. SuperWeezie moving, SuperWeezie is getting her own place which is causing a little chaos in my home. Normal moving B.S. and the stress of change which for folks like me with anxiety just plain sucks.

3. The UTI that will NOT go away, lets just say that I am on round TWO of different antibiotics and I am getting sick of orange pee and cranberry juice (this begins week two). I am probably going to have to go to the Dr. AGAIN because I don't think the new one is working. Frickity, frick frick.

4. Two words....root friggin' canal, well that was three but dammit I don't care. Normally this "painless" procedure is not so bad and it is done in two visits. Oh nooooooo not for me during the month from hell. I take three visits on the second of which the Novocaine does not get to the area where they are driving WIRES into the roots of my gums. Yes wires....so four roots four wires eight indentations on the arm rests of my dentist's chair. Brush your friggin teeth and don't insult the tooth fairy what ever you do people..seriously.

5. Time for Diflucan, side effect and primary symptom of root canal is abcess in gums and requires antibiotics. Which triggers a need for Diflucan and if you know what that med is for then you know how much fun that is and the fact I had to go get another one for the UTI from hell.

6. Spectaculary failure of the following:
a.) Dieting. (Can we say late night secret eating and gaining back 10 of the lost pounds and creeping back toward 300...holy bat shit)
b.) Not Smoking. I am smoking, not a lot, not a friggin chimney two pack a day lot about four to five. (not good not at all good)
c.) Exercising-YMC wha? when you have zero energy to barely clean your home and you feel like you have been kicked by a horse in the back just does not elicit the urge to sweat and "feel the burn"
d.) Co-Dependency-Hey you got a problem......I SuperPucky Supreme Queen of EVERYTHING can fix off of your problems. Because...hey you know since my shit is spectacularly fucked up I will be happy to ignore my problems and dwell on yours.
e.) Budgeting, sure I need those shoes, and that shirt and all those songs on I-Tunes..sure I do yeah, really need them.
f.) Anger Management, lets just say that I won't be going in a certain Office Depot any time soon and that will be another post for another day.
7. Job. I didn't even make it a fargin' year. I have to go back to work. I don't care if we cut out eating there just isn't enough wiggle room in the budget to allow me to stay at home to nurse my five gagillion ailments, lose weight and baby prep. Needless to say that since the want ads have gone from actually being a section in the paper to a three page joke full of people trying to sell ratty furniture that has been difficult. Bright spot on the horizon I am in the "HurryupandtellmeifIgotthedamnjob" mode as I had a final interview last week. Bleak spot on horizon no call backs on anything else. Is Wal Mart or McDonald's hiring? Waffle House is starting to look pretty damn good now. Damn economy.

8. Baby....In my infinite lack of wisdom I think in the midst of all turd storm of a month to dispense with contraception and start trying. I think it will be a brilliant idea to purchase the book What to Expect Before You are Expecting. One third of the way into the book I was ready to cry my eyes out and put a bullet in my brain. According to the last word on baby making you have to be Mother Theresa to get pregnant and I am pretty much a Concubine of the Devil. Oh and don't let me forget to mention that when I made the mistake of going to a CVS "Minute Clinic" to get the meds on a Sunday because I thought I was going to pass out from pain fever chills and the constant need to pee three drops. A man who reminds me of Milton from Office Space who could never in a majillion years take up gynecology insists that I am about to miss my period and I could be pregnant. Now I just ovulated about three days prior to my visit and he is telling me that I should be missing my period by now. Yeah he is brilliant and eloquent because he could barely get out the instructions for a clean catch urine sample. So after explaining that there is about a sliver of a gnats ass hair chance that I am pregnant and that you get false positives this early what does he do with my urine, gives me a pregnancy test. I am sure this is because they don't want "Minute Clinic" to be sued for a flipper baby or worse. I know he had to do the test, but he SMUGLY shows me the test as if to say, HAH see you AREN'T pregnant. That man had the bedside manor of well....MILTON...."Um I believe you have a um UTI.....". Unlike many women who sigh a breath of relief to get this news my soul just shrank a little. I know it could be false negative, but I REALLY didn't need that after all the b.s. that you have read prior to this.

9. Insomnia, yeah, this post is being written at 4:30 AM, I was up to 4:30 AM yesterday and doesn't seem to be getting better. I wonder why I can't sleep?!

10. Disney, I will not be going back to Disney in November to see all the pretty lights and ooh and aaah. No going to enjoy the uber cheap bounce back price I got and free food. Due to our spectacular financial situation that just didn't make sense at all. I know it sounds contrite and spoiled but that was really a light at the end of the tunnel for me. Plus if I get this job I don't believe it is prudent to immediately ask for a week off from mandatory training.

11. Therapy, this should not be shocker, I am now back in therapy to help me deal with items 1-10 and all the other bat shit crazy flying around in my poor overworked brain. I am glad I ended with Therapy because that will get me back where I need to be at what should be focusing on myself and my spirituality.

In conclusion I would like to write a letter to August 2009.

Dear August 2009,
You suck. You are hot and humid and you are a flaming turd on the calendar. I am so glad that I do not have to endure you again. I am glad that you are in the past and that September is coming and it WILL be better. I will make sure it is better. Even if September has a few rough patches it will come nowhere near the sucktitude of you. So good riddance. I hope the next few days until the 1st will give me some respite from all the crap you have thrown at me.
I finally got some sense in my head and realized I needed to stop looking around like a lunatic for help. That I NEEDED to ask for help and pray to someone who is a LOT smarter than me. I got me some Jesus and that is all I need, that and a good nights sleep.

Semi Super-Soon to be SuperPucky

To those of you if any who stuck it out and read this whole entry thank you for participating in Whine FEST 2009 (tickets are not refundable). Funny lighthearted and encouraging posts will return I SWEAR.

Friday, July 31, 2009

Exercise...and one and two and three

Today I was at the gym and it has gotten me thinking about things related to going to a gym and exercise in general.
Have you ever noticed that the majority of exercise equipment accessories etc. are geared toward everyone but the ones that need to the most? For instance, I want basketball shorts, you know the kind that are slinky and won't go all hungry butt/crotch on me. (Picture old woman at amusement park with her shorts going up like the letter V toward parts that shall not be named.) That light/shiny type material that is not clingy and comfortable to wear. Oh yes I would love a pair of those. Problem? I cannot locate them in my size. Apparently large women only need sweat pants style or Bermuda shorts.
Apparently we big folk don't like basket ball but love bunched up material between our
legs. Yes it would be pleasant to wear something other than yoga pants, capri pants and sweat pants to the gym. Mainly because I get hot, I am big and I am trying to be un-big and that requires EFFORT. But if you are as big around as my thigh there are forty two billion kinds of shorts in every color that Rainbow Brite could shoot out of her butt. Who needs to work out more I tell you WHO?? Is it girls like me, or the girl who looks like she might pass out if she doesn't EAT SOMETHING!?
I would also like to buy a sports bra that is: 1.) in my size 2.) Doesn't make me look like I have a uni-boob 3.) Does not require a loan to buy because I would actually like to buy more than one, and 4.) actually works properly. I have looked and the only ones I could locate were retardedly expensive and I am sorry I am not kicking out close to a hundred bucks for ONE bra.
I would like a bigger variety of gym shoes for my size. I know that there are other size 11 ladies out there, don't they like shoes too? I went to a local sports store and asked to see what they had in the way of cross training shoes. They had two pairs, let's count them together, one, two. Very good! The first pair were fugly the second pair were even fuglier. I found my pair of New Balance at a store that was located inside that store. A concept that sort of perplexed me but, I digress. They actually had several shoes in my size. Thank God for New Balance.
The other sad thing I noticed at my gym is the lack of folks with extra junk in the trunk. I mean us that have been couch jockeys. I guess they are waiting until January to get back in there. I suppose that they are busy pile driving cookies so they don't have time to join me at the gym. I know I am being a tad hypocritical. I am after all the girl who paid for a Gold's Gym membership and then bearly went a hand full of times.
I just felt super uncomfortable there when I went to Gold's Gym. I suppose I just wasn't commited enough to exercising. I have just as much right to go in and sweat my brains out as the guys who dearly love to grunt and stare at them selves while weight lifting. I sometimes felt self conscious about the women who would come in wearing next to nothing and the men who would gawk at them. I think that is why I love exercising at the YMCA. I don't have to deal, for the most part with half dressed women. Occasionally some little teeny bopper cheerleader type will come in with their skimpy could be underwear shorts and tiny little baby doll shirts. These girls will get looks from men who make me want to arrest them for being pervy.
I suppose that there is not a huge market for plus size exercise equipment, but maybe there would be less plus size clothing if there were. Just a thought.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Wine, Foot Pain and Insomnia

Hello I am drinking wine at 3:42 AM. Why am I drinking wine at 3:42 AM? Because it seemed like the best idea at the time. It is 2:44 AM and I decide to lay down and try to sleep because well, it is 2:44 AM. Flapjack the most nomable dachshund ever thinks I am his own personal salt lick, Fuzband is doing his best impression of a candy machine from Dr. Seuss and my foot well...it decides to send mind numbingly sharp pains up my heel and into my leg. Ya know all the things that can lull a girl to sleep right!? Aaaaaant....wrong answer.
My befuddled mind thinks..wine yeah...that will make me sleepy....(visions of alcoholism and flipper handed babies waltz through my head). Mmmm wine that is in the fridge and maybe a low fat cheese stick so I can be all sophisticated and what not. Oh and there must be some fat free triscuits to go with the wine. Yes we cannot have wine and cheese with out the monkey grabbin' triscuits!
Isn't it romantic? You, me the wine, triscuits, my right contact freezing up and the triscuits? Oh yeah...you know you want this. (picture Wal Mart Just My Size tank top and shorts living it up on the couch)
I am hoping that the sleep deprivation of my impending motherhood will make me sleep. Yes I am actually looking forward to sleep deprivation to keep me from having insomnia. Yes that would be great, the ability to lay down and just...sleep! Oh what wonders it will bring, actually falling asleep when you want to.
I envy my husband who can just think too hard about sleeping and sleep. He could probably fall asleep anywhere and anytime he wants. Me...I have to have eight billion pillows aligned with seventh house of Mars, a fan, laying in the just right position, with just the right thought in my head, and a small miracle to fall asleep. Fuzband no he is over there on a stump with a rock for a pillow sawing logs with a peaceful look on his face. It is not fair no fair, wah no fair.
Ok I am done winenining about my insomnia and boring you to tears. Ta ta.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Visible Results

My hard work is now becoming more apparent. I have now gone from a Catherines size 32 to a Catherines size 22. The reason I qualify the size is that it seems like I am a different size at each store I go to. At Belk I am a 24W at Avenue I am a 26, at Wal Mart I am a 3x, so at any rate I am smaller than I was. I frankly think I was larger than a 32 because at my largest a 32w/5x from Catherines were a little too snug.
It is nice to see the fruits of my labor finally produce some results. It has been very encouraging to feel like I am making progress. I was thinking about how long it has been since I wore this size and it has been at least 10 years! I feel like I am going back in time.
The proof is in the new orange t-shirt below:

(Nice toothpaste on the mirror huh, and keys hanging out of backpocket?)

That is all for now, Goonies is on TV and one must have priorties!

Monday, July 20, 2009

Pain, Goals and SuperPucky Family Report

Happy to exclaim that I am 89.9% pain free right now. Sometimes at night I will get a tweak or a twang of pain now and then. I think that is just from carrying around all this weight.
Fuzband is down almost 6 pounds! SuperFuzband is not in anyway obese just needs to drop a few pounds. Five and a half pounds for him is a big victory. Golly gee we are going to be the most cutest couple ever! :P Way to go Fuzband!
SuperWeezie is down 30 lbs, hooray! I suppose it is from being the presence of SuperPucky that the fat cells are fleeing in fear of my awesomeness. Actually it is from eating healthy, perhaps a healthy dose of pushy/bratty little sister and a whole lot of courage on her behalf. She signed up at the YMCA (yes the song is in my head now). (Huzzah and applause and whatnot for YMCA joining). She got all motivated and worked out, then we attacked the SuperCar (aka Weezie's Ford Tarus) and cleaned the bejeebus out of it. It even got a fancy pants air freshener from Yankee Candle.
Also the fat fairy was out and about last night she stole another pound from me. I am now 59 pounds down and 41 pounds away from my next milestone. Forty one pounds is so close I can taste it!
Yesterday I realized that I am quickly approaching 100 pounds from goal. When I started my goal weight seemed so far away that I dared not even imagine what it would be like to hit it. I did not want to build myself up to much only to dash my own hopes. Now I have realized how important it is to keep the goal on the horizon. If you can visualize success then you can be successful. Very zen way of thinking, and it works. I try my best before I go to sleep at night to imagine what it will be like to be smaller to be healthier. I imagine what it will be like to chase after my child and not get out of breath. What it will be like to get on all fours and pretend that I am a wild elephant and my knees won't kill me. What it will be like to tell people I have literally lost half my body weight in two years and watch the jaw open. To proudly tell people, "Yeah, I used to weigh 350 pounds and get the inevitable "How'dja do it, bariatric surgery, lap band?" Nope, just me myself and I.
I have been laughing in my head at the comedian Ralphie May from Last Comic Standing: "You know you are fat when you lose a 100 pounds and you are still fat!" At first I didn't think it was funny, now I am seeing the humor in it. I approach my first 100 pounds lost I understand what he meant.
To me 100 pounds down will be a huge event, a big accomplishment, something to be really proud of. To someone who just met me they will still see the bulges here and there and think "Wow she must have been really big to still be this big 100 pounds later." That was a sobering realization. It is good to sit back and revel in victory for a moment but the war is still raging. I am not not done yet.
So here's to 59 pounds down and 111 more to go (85 pound half way mark will be here soon!)!
Keep your feet on the ground and your ass out of the Nestle Toll House Cookie Shop.

Friday, July 17, 2009

Happy Happy Joy Joy

Good news folks if you have checked out "The Final Countdown" gadget on the right hand side column you are noticing the trend of the pounds is down down down! Yesssssss! Sweet success, sweet victory! I stepped up the pushing back from the table, taking smaller portions and voila success! Even though my back and my schedule has kept me out of the gym I am still losing weight! Thank the dear Lord! It is so exciting to see a different (and not higher) number on the scale pop up.
I am hoping that today I will be able to make it to the gym, I have already had a gzzzrrrrt (see previous post) today while picking up orange juice container off the counter. Freakin' orange juice people! I had to shout "Get behind me devil! I will not let you stop me!" I swear good ol' pointy head is trying his level best to get me to retire to bed and wallow in self pity. I will not go quietly into the night, I will continue to fight the good fight here folks!
I am still reeling from realizing that I am down 58 freakin' pounds! It is just blowing my mind. This on the heels of a fantabulous SuperPucky announcement.





:::doin' the SuperPucky Shuffle!:::::
Yes, yes ladies and germs I am going back during the holidays too! I will get to see Disney World in all it's Christmas finery! I am sooo super excited. While I will miss the SuperWeezie it will be very Romanticle to be just the SuperFuzband and I! One of the other cool things is that Space Mountain will be reopening shortly before we go! Each time I have gone to Disney it has been closed or I didn't get to go on it for one reason or another, this time I am sooo on it doggone it!
The Hall of Presidents has been revamped and will be open too which will be tres cool! I have to admit it is one of my favorite exhibits, it makes you proud to be an American.
I got a "bounce back" deal which is a super spectacular offer for folks who have recently gone. I am going for five days four nights to a "value" resort (a lower priced Disney resort which is still nicer than the flea bag express). The package included four nights at a Disney Resort, five days of park tickets, and FREE FOOD! They are running a special right now for certain times of the year you get the disney dining plan FOR FREE! What was the cost of all this spectacular fun you ask? How bout right around 850.00. The only thing I have to come up with is gas money and souveniers. We have food, lodging, and fun already covered in the one price. When they quoted the amount over the phone I almost fell over.
Oh I am so excited that I will be going back at the very least 15 to 20 pounds lighter, and if I have anything to do with it that number will be even higher. I have to step up my treadmill action so I can handle hours on end of walking. That reminds me, I need a new pedometer, my other one took a dip in the ocean. (yes I am looking at you SuperFuzband) I got to get up over 10,000 steps a day again because we averaged around 12,000 to 13,000, 15,000 being our highest.
Ah, I can almost hear "Wishes" now.

Monday, July 13, 2009

Random Thingy Things and Stuff

Hi ho folks Amanda the Puck here. Pucky with the achey backy ugh-y. (ok I just made myself nauseous with the extraneous use of the eee sound).
I had the bestus time ever on Saturday night watching two of the cutest children ever. I am not kidding they were exceptionally well behaved and sweet. The only two lingering side effects from my babysitting are: 1. Baby fever getting worse 2. back ache. I happily gave the two rugrats a bath and we were having a big ol time playing stinky feet, stinky hiney and stinky pits. After it was all said and done I had to get them out of the bath tub. Sooo with out even a second thought I lifted them up and out of the tub. Wrong answer...by the time I was headed home I had the tell tale twinges popping around my lower back muscles.
I pretended the twinges weren't there and pretended my back wasn't achy. The next morning I set about getting ready for guests to come over when gggzzzrrrrrrt zap gzzzzrrrrt. If you are wondering why there are all sorts of strange letters there they stand for the pains that go shooting through my lower back muscles at the weridest moments. The first one was when I went to grab a hand towel to wipe my face after teeth brushing. Because you know it was a fifty million pound towel with amazing abilities. At that moment I knew that I was in trouble. The pain was so severe I gasped and couldn't move for about a minute and a half. Fuzband was brushing his teeth and looked perplexed that picking a towel off the rack would induce such pain. If you have ever gotten an electric shock that is precisely what the pain in my back felt like except add some stabbing needle pain in there with it. So I suppose if someone took knitting needles and hooked them up to a car battery and then jammed them in your back muscles that would be close to the pain I feel at unexpected unpredictable moments.
I took some advil last night and fell asleep so I thought to myself, this is not a really bad back episode you will be fine. Denial is not just a river in Egypt folks. I got up today with all sorts of plans of laundry and YMCA and baking roasting hens. About half way through laundry gzzrrrtt zap gzzzzrttt even more painful from yesterday and now with a pleasant aching after taste. I fought it but out came the Darvocet and the Flexiril. So much for YMCA, baking and putting up the laundry that I am about to finish.
Here I sit waiting on my pills to kick in putting in an entry and frustrated that my body is not co-operating with the program. I am doing so well on the weight loss front. I am exercising, I have tons of energy I get lots and lots of things done and boom set back. I know I cannot push myself harder than my body will allow and the whole no pain no gain shtick but dammit dammit dammit. Instant gratification nowwwww! Huh...isn't that what got me in this whole predicament to start with? I mean if I didn't eat what ever I wanted when ever I wanted over the last ten years I wouldn't be having this back ache now would I?
Hard cold truth is what this back ache is, it is a reminder of the damage I inflicted upon myself for a decade of sadness. THANK GOD it is over with. Thank you God that I have seen a different way of life and that I have changed things.
Thank God that I have lost 16% of my total weight since October of last year. That's right 16%! I was just doing a little figuring today after I did my morning weigh in and was floored to figure that I am 1/3 of the way to my goal weight and 55 pounds down in 9 months! I am so blessed to be in the position I am in right now to lose weight, exercise and take care of myself. Sometimes I have to step back and pinch myself to make sure this is all real. I recall how absolutely miserable I was October of last year.
You know what the final straw was? A back ache. Ironic isn't it? Mind you that back problem landed me immobile in bed for a day or two. It was much worse than this one. I remember going to the Doctor and begging him for help and begging him for something, anything to get me started. He gave me a miracle drug that got me away from my food addiction. Phentermine, whoever invented Phentermine has my undying gratitude.
I remember the desperation of that day thinking of all the things that my weight had done to me, it had robbed me of:
self respect
the ability to go up and down the THREE stairs to my front door without my husbands help or leaning on the railing
my ankles
my neck
the ability to breath at night w/o being propped up by pillows
the ability to turn over easily in bed
a normal dress size
being able to go into a small bathroom stall
feeling like a sensual/beautiful woman
my zest for life
my ability to get pregnant without endangering myself/my baby or both
the ability to make a grocery store trip without being completely spent afterward

I have gained almost everything in that list back. The only exception is the pregnancy, but we are almost there, only 45 more pounds to go on that one.
I am so happy to say that I am so much more mobile than I used to be and I am over the moon that it is only getting better. I am actually looking forward to my life and my future again. I feel hopeful. Hope is a powerful presence it is the most important thing you need in a weight loss endeavor. It pains me to think that there was such a time in my life when I had none. It also makes me very, very, thankful.
I want to take a minute to thank some of the people who have been there for me when no one else was:
Jesus Christ
my sisters
my husband
my best friend Andrea-you started kicking me in the ass when no one else had the courage-thank you.
Thank you to everyone again and if your name is not on that list and you consider yourself one of those people, you are.I am grateful to you, I am just on pain meds and that is probably why I forgot to add you to the list and why I am getting all wistful and misty right now.
Also thank you to Blogger and my readers for being an audience for my struggle and giving me a cathartic outlet to vent to.
You all have my gratitude.

Friday, July 10, 2009

Drug Store Candy Bar Pusher and Line Cutters

OK so I am all 54 pounds skinnier and what not and at Walgreens. I am all excited because I am actually picking up actual paper photos! Imagine that, they can be printed! Anyway back to my story. I was at Walgreens and about to leave when a woman who probably weighed in at around 275-280-ish and about 5'5" or 5'6" begins to pressure SuperWeezie and I to buy candy bars. I don't mean "Hey there are candy bars are on sale." I mean full on-out and out high pressure pitch to buy candy bars. I politely refused once, twice, THREE TIMES!! I even told her that I had lost 54 pounds and I don't need to gain any back. Not even a way to go, good job, Holy Crap how did you do that, just another pitch, "Well then you can buy it for someone else." -This is now attempt FOUR! Then she moves on to Weezie. At this point I have reached the upper levels of pisstivity and I say "For the love of God lady if you offer me a candy bar one more damn time!" At this point my hair is on fire and my teeth are at full itch.
I try to bolt for the door but the mother nature apparently wanted me to eat candy. It is raining sideways...not down, not slightly to the left, SIDEWAYS. It is blowing on me as I am trying to exit. Of course I do not have an umbrella! Of course I am carrying pictures that could be ruined by rain! Of course I am stuck here with the oompa loompa trying to hawk candy bars at me! I retreat from the biblical flood and try to stay as far as humanly possible from Candy Lady (which is difficult considering she is only about a millimeter away from the door).
You would think that a woman who weighs about as much as I do crammed into a 5'5" frame would be more sympathetic to another fellow plus size woman on a DIET! Nope, she was pushing that candy like crack. As SuperWeezie and I are hiding next to the shopping carts I hear her discussing her failed effort to hawk candy to the manager. They begin discussing the different tactics of candy-bar-shoving-down-throat-onomics. At this point to hell with the rain, my hair, my clothes, what is left of my temper, my pictures, I am so getting the ham sandwich out of there.
As I wrote this post I began to get angry again, and I know there are other fellow dieters out there that went to this Walgreens and got the same act. I know these other people fighting the good fight may have not been as strong or got pissed and weren't as outspoken. After feeling all this righteous indignation I hopped on ye old interweb net thing and found the customer service number for Walgreens. I am waiting on a call from the store manager of the Walgreens of Diet Doom and I will expect some sort of nice apology from him.
Go me.
Fast forward to about 9:00 clock yesterday, I am at Wal Mart (cursed stores that start with Wal) to buy frames for the very same pictures. I am in the self check out line patiently(check that) impatiently waiting for an available register. Then I see them, the evil family the "We all look like we could use a comb, a bath, a slap across the forehead, and a visit from Ms. Manners" family. The look like they are plotting something evil, something sinister, they are looking around with little grins on their faces. They are in the line right next to the self check out, they are attempting to cut between two of the self check out registers to bypass the five or six other people waiting in line to use the self check out. The five or six people who are at this point ready to go back and pick up some torches and pitch forks and head for customer service. At this point enter the heroine of our story, Wal Mart Cashier Czar of Self Check out area. She politely informs the Evil Family that they have bypassed all the people in line to make their way to the registers.
I being SuperPucky of the big mouth clan have to loudly thank the Czar of Self Check Out for her act of bravery saving all poor line waiters the indignity of line cutting. The Evil Mother says "Well I didn't know this wasn't the end of the line" (Insert chicken head like head swivel, attitude and dirty look.) SuperPucky of the Loud Mouth indignified line waiters just has to reply "Yeah right. The line ends behind all of us." Referring to before referenced poor line waiters who are now grumbling and beginning to contemplate finding those pitch forks.
Evil Mother begins to spout some diatribe full of double negatives, unintelligible word diarrhea and something including "She gonna get sassy, I can get sassy too." SuperPucky not one to back down for the little guy and especially not my ego/temper (which has at this point had just about enough of being tested today) spouts back,"If it means THAT much to you please go right ahead and check out."
The Evil Family sensing that they have actually made someone angry gets all excited and begins to simultaneously spew unintelligible poorly enunciated word vomit all over the place. At this point I am so over this whole Jerry Springer episode of "Wal Mart check out line-What evah what evah I do what I want". I just checked my crap out and got out of there. Might I add I was done before the evil family and in my car leaving before they exited the building? HAH! (Tis' I who had the last laugh and left first.)

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Seeing Red

Hello folks! I am now a red head. Not one of those red heads that if you turn just right underneath the light in the kitchen I mean reeeeed. I don't look like Ariel from the Little Mermaid but it is purty. I will take a photo of said hair once it is fixed and looks nice.
Oh and yeah.. by the by I have lost.....54 pounds FIFTY FOUR...54 five foooour! Hooray! Fifty four pounds...:::boing boing boing boing:::I only have 46 more pounds to lose until baby time!
It is 3:24 AM and I just now got tired so I am going night night before this post becomes incoherent.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

As promised pictures from the beach

As you know SuperWeeze and I went to the beach ^

We twinkled our toes in the water and the sand
We cruised Ocean Blvd.
We had fun in the sun We went to the aquarium to look at the fish

And to act like the fish
We even drank a little beer! (Ok maybe a slightly large beer or two)
We spent some time in Margaritaville, some more so than others.
There was a salt shaker on every table!
We got in touch with our inner rock star.
We (she) got a little crabby (SuperWeeze has quit smoking-huzzah!)
Until next time...