Saturday, November 14, 2009

Minus One Evil Organ

Mr. Wonderful Dr., "I would like to wait until you are 16 weeks pregnant at least before we perform surgery."
Gallbladder "Muhahahahahahahahaahahahah!!!! Watch this!" (Evil Villain Fuzzy mustache wiggle followed by excruciating pain and vomiting)
Last Monday my gallbladder bid adieu to my abdomen. Good riddance you dastardly thingy thing you!
They managed to perform the surgery lapriscopically(holy cow is that even a word!?). Let me tell anyone who ever has to get lapriscopic gallbladder surgery. The actual pain from the surgery is not that bad. It is the gas that will kick your behind. They blow CO2 into your belly and it likes to move around from your tummy to your shoulder. Let me tell you this hurt as bad as the gall bladder attacks, passing stones and any other pain I could imagine. Do NOT pass on the pain meds and pick up some Gas X, a heating pad, and a nice person who will rub your shoulder and beat on your back. The smartest thing I could think of was leaning on the back of a recliner and having the fuzband play bongos on my back. Burping has never ever felt so good.
The good news is that the baby is doing great and so am I. They gave me an ultrasound before and after the surgery. As usual the little astronaut was in there flipping, rolling, wiggling and rolling to and fro.
I am going back to work on Monday (I hope). I am actually a bit nervous about going back and I am not really sure why. I am afraid that some of the vital information I learned in training escaped with my gallbladder. I know I am being silly and I need to suck it up and go back to work.
Today I ventured out of the house for the first time for a small grocery trip and that just about kicked my butt. I felt like I just got over the flu...all tired and achy like. I had to get out of the house before my dogs started answering me when I talked to them.
Well that is the most coherent entry I could come up with. I am going to go before it all goes to poop.

Saturday, November 7, 2009

The Missing Puck

I have to apologize to all Superpucky fans. I have been absentee. Partially due to slackerness and some just plain was life hitting me with a crate of lemons.
First of all SuperBaby is just fine and dandy and performing Cirque du Soleil in my uterus. I mean this with all sincerity. I have had two ultrasounds in the last few weeks and my little astronaut was in there doing back flips and spinning. It was waving it's little skinny arms and legs around. It was rolling from side to side and just having a big ol' time in there.
Superpucky on the other hand is not doing as well as Superbaby. What I thought were gastric reflux attacks were actually gall stones. The weekend before Halloween I actually passed a gall stone. I have looked up on line what type of pain this is and how it compares to other pain. Women who have had natural child birth and have passed a gall stone say that the gall stone is worse. I went to two Doctors offices, drank tons of GI Cocktail (usually nectar of the Gods, but not in this instance) and after 24 hours of continuous pain checked myself into the ER. They in turn put me on morphine and checked my behind into the hospital.
I met my nifty surgeon who told me that he would have normally performed surgery right then and there. The hold up was Superbaby. He wanted me to be at least 16 weeks along to have surgery. He allowed me to eat what resembled food at the hospital, waited to see if I would explode and when I didn't sent me home with pain pills.
He wants to go ahead and perform surgery during the 2nd trimester since the baby is far enough away from my gall bladder to not prevent more complications. There is a chance of pre-term labor since they have to blow carbon dioxide into my abdomen to get the lapriscopic scopes in. I am praying that they are able to perform lapriscopic surgery because it is three one inch incisions versus having a cyclops smiley face composed of my boob and scar.
The surgery is actually performed on an outpatient basis. Which was a little surprising, but I would rater be miserable at home then in a hospital. So now I can look happily forward to losing a body part the week of Thanksgiving. The upshot is I will probably feel well enough to actually have turkey, mashed potatoes and gravy.
I am a bit scared to say the least and I am mostly worried about the baby. Prayers are asked for the baby please.
As if I didn't have enough drama going on in my life my OB dropped me like a hot potato. Since I was going to a practice that had several Doctors I was on a rotation for each visit so I could meet each one of them. I was on my second Dr. when I met Dr. A-Hole. He had no tact and was horribly unprofessional.
The gist of the conversation we had was that I am too fat to be seen by his practice and oh that I am putting my baby in horrible danger. I tried feebly to talk to him prior to his diatribe about my surgery and medication. He waltzed right past that to light into me about how serious of a health threat I am imposing on my child being as over weight as I am. After ten minutes of being told of every worst case scenario of high risk labor and that his practice can no longer treat me I was in tears. I asked him if I could have a moment to compose myself and he continued to babel incessantly. I am not exaggerating in the least to say I was being machine gunned every mother's nightmare by the stuttering Dr. A-hole OB from hell. I had to ask him AGAIN if he could just give me a moment to pull myself together, and he did not stop. Finally I had about all I could take and said "Could you just shut your mouth for a minute." I mumbled as I wept. He snatched up my file and said in a huff as he stormed out of the office, "I can shut up forever!"
At that point my beeper for my blood sugar test was going off and I was able to escape to have my finger stabbed. Surprise surprise my blood sugar is perfect and my blood pressure is even lower than normal for me (and I have really good blood pressure). I am having a tough time keeping it together as I am waiting to get my ultrasound and it seems tainted. I am seeing my baby in person for the second time (first time was when I was admitted to the hospital). I knew that I shouldn't get too comfortable because this is the last time I am going to see this practice, and with good riddance at this point.
After the consult to end all consults and the weepy ultrasound it is time for a PELVIC exam. Now I get to let a man who has pissed me off, told me to go elsewhere, and made me cry stick his fingers inside of me. I don't let my husband do that crap! He then apologizes profusely and for some oddball reason asked me if I wanted to perform a c-section or deliver from "down below". Uhhhh did you mean to tell me a friggin OB just said "down below" do you mean vaginally? Down below, do you mean I want to deliver in Australia, Florida, Mexico...WHAT?!
I walked into the practice hoping for information, reassurance, and a nice ultrasound and left feeling less than human and like the worst Mommy ever. In hindsight I am so glad that I don't have to see Dr. Down Below A-Hole ever again.
The upshot to the worst OB visit ever is that I am now going to a high risk specialty practice at the University of South Carolina. I am going to be seeing people who only deal with high risk pregnancy and I won't have a stuttering jerk telling me I am too fat to be a good mother.
Other than the occasional gallstone pain I am actually feeling really good and I have LOST weight (Hear THAT Dr. A-hole!). You heard me correctly I am have actually dropped a few pounds. Don't worry I am eating my 1800 calories a day and eating very healthy. I have to eat a low fat diet because fat and grease cause the gall bladder to kick into overdrive. Lord knows we want to keep that body part happy for the next few weeks.
That is all for now, I will try to update more frequently
Until next time keep your head in the produce section and you butt out of McDonalds.