Exercise...and one and two and three

Today I was at the gym and it has gotten me thinking about things related to going to a gym and exercise in general.
Have you ever noticed that the majority of exercise equipment accessories etc. are geared toward everyone but the ones that need to the most? For instance, I want basketball shorts, you know the kind that are slinky and won't go all hungry butt/crotch on me. (Picture old woman at amusement park with her shorts going up like the letter V toward parts that shall not be named.) That light/shiny type material that is not clingy and comfortable to wear. Oh yes I would love a pair of those. Problem? I cannot locate them in my size. Apparently large women only need sweat pants style or Bermuda shorts.
Apparently we big folk don't like basket ball but love bunched up material between our
legs. Yes it would be pleasant to wear something other than yoga pants, capri pants and sweat pants to the gym. Mainly because I get hot, I am big and I am trying to be un-big and that requires EFFORT. But if you are as big around as my thigh there are forty two billion kinds of shorts in every color that Rainbow Brite could shoot out of her butt. Who needs to work out more I tell you WHO?? Is it girls like me, or the girl who looks like she might pass out if she doesn't EAT SOMETHING!?
I would also like to buy a sports bra that is: 1.) in my size 2.) Doesn't make me look like I have a uni-boob 3.) Does not require a loan to buy because I would actually like to buy more than one, and 4.) actually works properly. I have looked and the only ones I could locate were retardedly expensive and I am sorry I am not kicking out close to a hundred bucks for ONE bra.
I would like a bigger variety of gym shoes for my size. I know that there are other size 11 ladies out there, don't they like shoes too? I went to a local sports store and asked to see what they had in the way of cross training shoes. They had two pairs, let's count them together, one, two. Very good! The first pair were fugly the second pair were even fuglier. I found my pair of New Balance at a store that was located inside that store. A concept that sort of perplexed me but, I digress. They actually had several shoes in my size. Thank God for New Balance.
The other sad thing I noticed at my gym is the lack of folks with extra junk in the trunk. I mean us that have been couch jockeys. I guess they are waiting until January to get back in there. I suppose that they are busy pile driving cookies so they don't have time to join me at the gym. I know I am being a tad hypocritical. I am after all the girl who paid for a Gold's Gym membership and then bearly went a hand full of times.
I just felt super uncomfortable there when I went to Gold's Gym. I suppose I just wasn't commited enough to exercising. I have just as much right to go in and sweat my brains out as the guys who dearly love to grunt and stare at them selves while weight lifting. I sometimes felt self conscious about the women who would come in wearing next to nothing and the men who would gawk at them. I think that is why I love exercising at the YMCA. I don't have to deal, for the most part with half dressed women. Occasionally some little teeny bopper cheerleader type will come in with their skimpy could be underwear shorts and tiny little baby doll shirts. These girls will get looks from men who make me want to arrest them for being pervy.
I suppose that there is not a huge market for plus size exercise equipment, but maybe there would be less plus size clothing if there were. Just a thought.

Wine, Foot Pain and Insomnia

Hello I am drinking wine at 3:42 AM. Why am I drinking wine at 3:42 AM? Because it seemed like the best idea at the time. It is 2:44 AM and I decide to lay down and try to sleep because well, it is 2:44 AM. Flapjack the most nomable dachshund ever thinks I am his own personal salt lick, Fuzband is doing his best impression of a candy machine from Dr. Seuss and my foot well...it decides to send mind numbingly sharp pains up my heel and into my leg. Ya know all the things that can lull a girl to sleep right!? Aaaaaant....wrong answer.
My befuddled mind thinks..wine yeah...that will make me sleepy....(visions of alcoholism and flipper handed babies waltz through my head). Mmmm wine that is in the fridge and maybe a low fat cheese stick so I can be all sophisticated and what not. Oh and there must be some fat free triscuits to go with the wine. Yes we cannot have wine and cheese with out the monkey grabbin' triscuits!
Isn't it romantic? You, me the wine, triscuits, my right contact freezing up and the triscuits? Oh yeah...you know you want this. (picture Wal Mart Just My Size tank top and shorts living it up on the couch)
I am hoping that the sleep deprivation of my impending motherhood will make me sleep. Yes I am actually looking forward to sleep deprivation to keep me from having insomnia. Yes that would be great, the ability to lay down and just...sleep! Oh what wonders it will bring, actually falling asleep when you want to.
I envy my husband who can just think too hard about sleeping and sleep. He could probably fall asleep anywhere and anytime he wants. Me...I have to have eight billion pillows aligned with seventh house of Mars, a fan, laying in the just right position, with just the right thought in my head, and a small miracle to fall asleep. Fuzband no he is over there on a stump with a rock for a pillow sawing logs with a peaceful look on his face. It is not fair no fair, wah no fair.
Ok I am done winenining about my insomnia and boring you to tears. Ta ta.

Visible Results

My hard work is now becoming more apparent. I have now gone from a Catherines size 32 to a Catherines size 22. The reason I qualify the size is that it seems like I am a different size at each store I go to. At Belk I am a 24W at Avenue I am a 26, at Wal Mart I am a 3x, so at any rate I am smaller than I was. I frankly think I was larger than a 32 because at my largest a 32w/5x from Catherines were a little too snug.

It is nice to see the fruits of my labor finally produce some results. It has been very encouraging to feel like I am making progress. I was thinking about how long it has been since I wore this size and it has been at least 10 years! I feel like I am going back in time.

The proof is in the new orange t-shirt below:

Before

3/9/09

After

7/26/09

(Nice toothpaste on the mirror huh, and keys hanging out of backpocket?)

That is all for now, Goonies is on TV and one must have priorties!

Pain, Goals and SuperPucky Family Report

Happy to exclaim that I am 89.9% pain free right now. Sometimes at night I will get a tweak or a twang of pain now and then. I think that is just from carrying around all this weight.
Fuzband is down almost 6 pounds! SuperFuzband is not in anyway obese just needs to drop a few pounds. Five and a half pounds for him is a big victory. Golly gee we are going to be the most cutest couple ever! :P Way to go Fuzband!
SuperWeezie is down 30 lbs, hooray! I suppose it is from being the presence of SuperPucky that the fat cells are fleeing in fear of my awesomeness. Actually it is from eating healthy, perhaps a healthy dose of pushy/bratty little sister and a whole lot of courage on her behalf. She signed up at the YMCA (yes the song is in my head now). (Huzzah and applause and whatnot for YMCA joining). She got all motivated and worked out, then we attacked the SuperCar (aka Weezie's Ford Tarus) and cleaned the bejeebus out of it. It even got a fancy pants air freshener from Yankee Candle.
Also the fat fairy was out and about last night she stole another pound from me. I am now 59 pounds down and 41 pounds away from my next milestone. Forty one pounds is so close I can taste it!
Yesterday I realized that I am quickly approaching 100 pounds from goal. When I started my goal weight seemed so far away that I dared not even imagine what it would be like to hit it. I did not want to build myself up to much only to dash my own hopes. Now I have realized how important it is to keep the goal on the horizon. If you can visualize success then you can be successful. Very zen way of thinking, and it works. I try my best before I go to sleep at night to imagine what it will be like to be smaller to be healthier. I imagine what it will be like to chase after my child and not get out of breath. What it will be like to get on all fours and pretend that I am a wild elephant and my knees won't kill me. What it will be like to tell people I have literally lost half my body weight in two years and watch the jaw open. To proudly tell people, "Yeah, I used to weigh 350 pounds and get the inevitable "How'dja do it, bariatric surgery, lap band?" Nope, just me myself and I.
I have been laughing in my head at the comedian Ralphie May from Last Comic Standing: "You know you are fat when you lose a 100 pounds and you are still fat!" At first I didn't think it was funny, now I am seeing the humor in it. I approach my first 100 pounds lost I understand what he meant.
To me 100 pounds down will be a huge event, a big accomplishment, something to be really proud of. To someone who just met me they will still see the bulges here and there and think "Wow she must have been really big to still be this big 100 pounds later." That was a sobering realization. It is good to sit back and revel in victory for a moment but the war is still raging. I am not not done yet.
So here's to 59 pounds down and 111 more to go (85 pound half way mark will be here soon!)!
Keep your feet on the ground and your ass out of the Nestle Toll House Cookie Shop.

Happy Happy Joy Joy

Good news folks if you have checked out "The Final Countdown" gadget on the right hand side column you are noticing the trend of the pounds is down down down! Yesssssss! Sweet success, sweet victory! I stepped up the pushing back from the table, taking smaller portions and voila success! Even though my back and my schedule has kept me out of the gym I am still losing weight! Thank the dear Lord! It is so exciting to see a different (and not higher) number on the scale pop up.
I am hoping that today I will be able to make it to the gym, I have already had a gzzzrrrrt (see previous post) today while picking up orange juice container off the counter. Freakin' orange juice people! I had to shout "Get behind me devil! I will not let you stop me!" I swear good ol' pointy head is trying his level best to get me to retire to bed and wallow in self pity. I will not go quietly into the night, I will continue to fight the good fight here folks!
I am still reeling from realizing that I am down 58 freakin' pounds! It is just blowing my mind. This on the heels of a fantabulous SuperPucky announcement.
I......


am...


going....


back....


to...


DISNEY!
:::doin' the SuperPucky Shuffle!:::::
Yes, yes ladies and germs I am going back during the holidays too! I will get to see Disney World in all it's Christmas finery! I am sooo super excited. While I will miss the SuperWeezie it will be very Romanticle to be just the SuperFuzband and I! One of the other cool things is that Space Mountain will be reopening shortly before we go! Each time I have gone to Disney it has been closed or I didn't get to go on it for one reason or another, this time I am sooo on it doggone it!
The Hall of Presidents has been revamped and will be open too which will be tres cool! I have to admit it is one of my favorite exhibits, it makes you proud to be an American.
I got a "bounce back" deal which is a super spectacular offer for folks who have recently gone. I am going for five days four nights to a "value" resort (a lower priced Disney resort which is still nicer than the flea bag express). The package included four nights at a Disney Resort, five days of park tickets, and FREE FOOD! They are running a special right now for certain times of the year you get the disney dining plan FOR FREE! What was the cost of all this spectacular fun you ask? How bout right around 850.00. The only thing I have to come up with is gas money and souveniers. We have food, lodging, and fun already covered in the one price. When they quoted the amount over the phone I almost fell over.
Oh I am so excited that I will be going back at the very least 15 to 20 pounds lighter, and if I have anything to do with it that number will be even higher. I have to step up my treadmill action so I can handle hours on end of walking. That reminds me, I need a new pedometer, my other one took a dip in the ocean. (yes I am looking at you SuperFuzband) I got to get up over 10,000 steps a day again because we averaged around 12,000 to 13,000, 15,000 being our highest.
Ah, I can almost hear "Wishes" now.

Random Thingy Things and Stuff

Hi ho folks Amanda the Puck here. Pucky with the achey backy ugh-y. (ok I just made myself nauseous with the extraneous use of the eee sound).
I had the bestus time ever on Saturday night watching two of the cutest children ever. I am not kidding they were exceptionally well behaved and sweet. The only two lingering side effects from my babysitting are: 1. Baby fever getting worse 2. back ache. I happily gave the two rugrats a bath and we were having a big ol time playing stinky feet, stinky hiney and stinky pits. After it was all said and done I had to get them out of the bath tub. Sooo with out even a second thought I lifted them up and out of the tub. Wrong answer...by the time I was headed home I had the tell tale twinges popping around my lower back muscles.
I pretended the twinges weren't there and pretended my back wasn't achy. The next morning I set about getting ready for guests to come over when gggzzzrrrrrrt zap gzzzzrrrrt. If you are wondering why there are all sorts of strange letters there they stand for the pains that go shooting through my lower back muscles at the weridest moments. The first one was when I went to grab a hand towel to wipe my face after teeth brushing. Because you know it was a fifty million pound towel with amazing abilities. At that moment I knew that I was in trouble. The pain was so severe I gasped and couldn't move for about a minute and a half. Fuzband was brushing his teeth and looked perplexed that picking a towel off the rack would induce such pain. If you have ever gotten an electric shock that is precisely what the pain in my back felt like except add some stabbing needle pain in there with it. So I suppose if someone took knitting needles and hooked them up to a car battery and then jammed them in your back muscles that would be close to the pain I feel at unexpected unpredictable moments.
I took some advil last night and fell asleep so I thought to myself, this is not a really bad back episode you will be fine. Denial is not just a river in Egypt folks. I got up today with all sorts of plans of laundry and YMCA and baking roasting hens. About half way through laundry gzzrrrtt zap gzzzzrttt even more painful from yesterday and now with a pleasant aching after taste. I fought it but out came the Darvocet and the Flexiril. So much for YMCA, baking and putting up the laundry that I am about to finish.
Here I sit waiting on my pills to kick in putting in an entry and frustrated that my body is not co-operating with the program. I am doing so well on the weight loss front. I am exercising, I have tons of energy I get lots and lots of things done and boom set back. I know I cannot push myself harder than my body will allow and the whole no pain no gain shtick but dammit dammit dammit. Instant gratification nowwwww! Huh...isn't that what got me in this whole predicament to start with? I mean if I didn't eat what ever I wanted when ever I wanted over the last ten years I wouldn't be having this back ache now would I?
Hard cold truth is what this back ache is, it is a reminder of the damage I inflicted upon myself for a decade of sadness. THANK GOD it is over with. Thank you God that I have seen a different way of life and that I have changed things.
Thank God that I have lost 16% of my total weight since October of last year. That's right 16%! I was just doing a little figuring today after I did my morning weigh in and was floored to figure that I am 1/3 of the way to my goal weight and 55 pounds down in 9 months! I am so blessed to be in the position I am in right now to lose weight, exercise and take care of myself. Sometimes I have to step back and pinch myself to make sure this is all real. I recall how absolutely miserable I was October of last year.
You know what the final straw was? A back ache. Ironic isn't it? Mind you that back problem landed me immobile in bed for a day or two. It was much worse than this one. I remember going to the Doctor and begging him for help and begging him for something, anything to get me started. He gave me a miracle drug that got me away from my food addiction. Phentermine, whoever invented Phentermine has my undying gratitude.
I remember the desperation of that day thinking of all the things that my weight had done to me, it had robbed me of:
self respect
the ability to go up and down the THREE stairs to my front door without my husbands help or leaning on the railing
my ankles
stamina
energy
my neck
the ability to breath at night w/o being propped up by pillows
the ability to turn over easily in bed
a normal dress size
being able to go into a small bathroom stall
feeling like a sensual/beautiful woman
my zest for life
my ability to get pregnant without endangering myself/my baby or both
the ability to make a grocery store trip without being completely spent afterward

I have gained almost everything in that list back. The only exception is the pregnancy, but we are almost there, only 45 more pounds to go on that one.
I am so happy to say that I am so much more mobile than I used to be and I am over the moon that it is only getting better. I am actually looking forward to my life and my future again. I feel hopeful. Hope is a powerful presence it is the most important thing you need in a weight loss endeavor. It pains me to think that there was such a time in my life when I had none. It also makes me very, very, thankful.
I want to take a minute to thank some of the people who have been there for me when no one else was:
Jesus Christ
Dad
my sisters
my husband
my best friend Andrea-you started kicking me in the ass when no one else had the courage-thank you.
Thank you to everyone again and if your name is not on that list and you consider yourself one of those people, you are.I am grateful to you, I am just on pain meds and that is probably why I forgot to add you to the list and why I am getting all wistful and misty right now.
Also thank you to Blogger and my readers for being an audience for my struggle and giving me a cathartic outlet to vent to.
You all have my gratitude.

Drug Store Candy Bar Pusher and Line Cutters

OK so I am all 54 pounds skinnier and what not and at Walgreens. I am all excited because I am actually picking up actual paper photos! Imagine that, they can be printed! Anyway back to my story. I was at Walgreens and about to leave when a woman who probably weighed in at around 275-280-ish and about 5'5" or 5'6" begins to pressure SuperWeezie and I to buy candy bars. I don't mean "Hey there are candy bars are on sale." I mean full on-out and out high pressure pitch to buy candy bars. I politely refused once, twice, THREE TIMES!! I even told her that I had lost 54 pounds and I don't need to gain any back. Not even a way to go, good job, Holy Crap how did you do that, just another pitch, "Well then you can buy it for someone else." -This is now attempt FOUR! Then she moves on to Weezie. At this point I have reached the upper levels of pisstivity and I say "For the love of God lady if you offer me a candy bar one more damn time!" At this point my hair is on fire and my teeth are at full itch.
I try to bolt for the door but the mother nature apparently wanted me to eat candy. It is raining sideways...not down, not slightly to the left, SIDEWAYS. It is blowing on me as I am trying to exit. Of course I do not have an umbrella! Of course I am carrying pictures that could be ruined by rain! Of course I am stuck here with the oompa loompa trying to hawk candy bars at me! I retreat from the biblical flood and try to stay as far as humanly possible from Candy Lady (which is difficult considering she is only about a millimeter away from the door).
You would think that a woman who weighs about as much as I do crammed into a 5'5" frame would be more sympathetic to another fellow plus size woman on a DIET! Nope, she was pushing that candy like crack. As SuperWeezie and I are hiding next to the shopping carts I hear her discussing her failed effort to hawk candy to the manager. They begin discussing the different tactics of candy-bar-shoving-down-throat-onomics. At this point to hell with the rain, my hair, my clothes, what is left of my temper, my pictures, I am so getting the ham sandwich out of there.
As I wrote this post I began to get angry again, and I know there are other fellow dieters out there that went to this Walgreens and got the same act. I know these other people fighting the good fight may have not been as strong or got pissed and weren't as outspoken. After feeling all this righteous indignation I hopped on ye old interweb net thing and found the customer service number for Walgreens. I am waiting on a call from the store manager of the Walgreens of Diet Doom and I will expect some sort of nice apology from him.
Go me.
Fast forward to about 9:00 clock yesterday, I am at Wal Mart (cursed stores that start with Wal) to buy frames for the very same pictures. I am in the self check out line patiently(check that) impatiently waiting for an available register. Then I see them, the evil family the "We all look like we could use a comb, a bath, a slap across the forehead, and a visit from Ms. Manners" family. The look like they are plotting something evil, something sinister, they are looking around with little grins on their faces. They are in the line right next to the self check out, they are attempting to cut between two of the self check out registers to bypass the five or six other people waiting in line to use the self check out. The five or six people who are at this point ready to go back and pick up some torches and pitch forks and head for customer service. At this point enter the heroine of our story, Wal Mart Cashier Czar of Self Check out area. She politely informs the Evil Family that they have bypassed all the people in line to make their way to the registers.
I being SuperPucky of the big mouth clan have to loudly thank the Czar of Self Check Out for her act of bravery saving all poor line waiters the indignity of line cutting. The Evil Mother says "Well I didn't know this wasn't the end of the line" (Insert chicken head like head swivel, attitude and dirty look.) SuperPucky of the Loud Mouth indignified line waiters just has to reply "Yeah right. The line ends behind all of us." Referring to before referenced poor line waiters who are now grumbling and beginning to contemplate finding those pitch forks.
Evil Mother begins to spout some diatribe full of double negatives, unintelligible word diarrhea and something including "She gonna get sassy, I can get sassy too." SuperPucky not one to back down for the little guy and especially not my ego/temper (which has at this point had just about enough of being tested today) spouts back,"If it means THAT much to you please go right ahead and check out."
The Evil Family sensing that they have actually made someone angry gets all excited and begins to simultaneously spew unintelligible poorly enunciated word vomit all over the place. At this point I am so over this whole Jerry Springer episode of "Wal Mart check out line-What evah what evah I do what I want". I just checked my crap out and got out of there. Might I add I was done before the evil family and in my car leaving before they exited the building? HAH! (Tis' I who had the last laugh and left first.)

Seeing Red

Hello folks! I am now a red head. Not one of those red heads that if you turn just right underneath the light in the kitchen I mean reeeeed. I don't look like Ariel from the Little Mermaid but it is purty. I will take a photo of said hair once it is fixed and looks nice.
Oh and yeah.. by the by I have lost.....54 pounds FIFTY FOUR...54 five foooour! Hooray! Fifty four pounds...:::boing boing boing boing:::I only have 46 more pounds to lose until baby time!
It is 3:24 AM and I just now got tired so I am going night night before this post becomes incoherent.

As promised pictures from the beach

As you know SuperWeeze and I went to the beach ^

We twinkled our toes in the water and the sand

We cruised Ocean Blvd.

We had fun in the sun We went to the aquarium to look at the fish

And to act like the fish
We even drank a little beer! (Ok maybe a slightly large beer or two)
We spent some time in Margaritaville, some more so than others.
There was a salt shaker on every table!
We got in touch with our inner rock star.

We (she) got a little crabby (SuperWeeze has quit smoking-huzzah!)
Until next time...

The Missing Puck

Sorry to leave all one billion SuperPucky readers in the lurch during the fourth of July holiday. SuperWeezie and I decided to take a spur of the moment trip to Myrtle Beach. We had a fabulous time and on a budget to boot!
I was very excited that my stamina was right where it is supposed to be, I only got a little tired at the end of the day and that was nothing unusual. I really enjoyed getting honked at by a trucker. I am not kidding, it was nice to actually get honked at while I was pumping gas by a trucker. Once you get to be a certain size you stop thinking of yourself as being sexy anymore. I think I might actually be getting my mojo back. I don't want to get the big head or anything so I will keep that in check.
On to other news I did my first full work out at the YMCA since I left almost immediately after joining. It was fabulous, I have really missed being able to go to a gym and get away from everything. I put on my headphones and just pour myself into a work out. I got a handy dandy Ipod armband which made it very easy to switch tunes while exercising. I was feeling so good by the end of the work out and once I had gotten home and caught my breath I felt absolutely fantastic. I forget the high you get from the endorphins after working out.
I think the Wii fit was the springboard I needed back into true exercise. I was so embarrassed by my size when I started out. I felt like a baby bird flopping around in the nest trying to get my bearings. My balance was off, my coordination was horrid. After shedding the first fifty pounds I got a lot of that back. I see women who are the size I started out at and larger and my heart aches for them because I know how hard it is. I wonder if anyone looks at me and thinks the same thing...
On to other subjects I have decided to rejoin the workforce temporarily. After looking at the amount of debt that we have I thought it might be good to get some of it paid down before we add a SuperPuckette or Fuzbaby to the family. So off to the races I went today all quaffed and gussied up and what not. I actually have a few interviews lined up right off the bat. I am bouncing between temping and waiting tables. Both offer instant money fairly quickly so I am going to see which one happens to give me a job and which pays better. Waiting tables may be a great way to help my weight loss endeavors as well. All that running around for water and sweet tea is bound to help. We shall see.
Pictures from Myrtle Beach are coming I just have to crop and fix and brighten etc..
Until then keep your feet on the ground and your head out of your cereal bowl.