Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Shopping in my closet and our "friend".

Yesterday I was putting away laundry and got tired of having to sift through all the clothes I haven't worn since God knows when. You know that favorite shirt from two summers ago that was on sale and looked so cute? Now when you put it on you feel like a pillow with rubber bands wrapped around it. I have quite a few of those shirts. They chronicle my ups and downs with weight loss (primarily the ups).

I took a deep breath and went through and tried everything on. Yes, everything. That should be considered cardio work out. I was busting a sweat, breathing heavy and exhausted by the time I was done. The cool part about it is I have three grocery bags full of shirts that will fit after I drop some weight. I get to go shopping in my own closet soon! This is incentive not to take that second helping.

I also did some thing that has never happened before, I pulled out clothes that were too big! Clothes that were too big and made me look crappy were sentenced to the the flea market pile. It felt great to have clothes I couldn't wear anymore because they were too big vs. too little.
I don't think I have ever had that happen to me. I have always given away my skinny clothes sadly. Giving them away made me feel as if I had given up any hope of ever wearing that size again. Now I have bags of shirts waiting in the wings that seem to say "See you soon!"

I felt so motivated I went on to my dresser pulling out the clothes that were classified as bumming around the house. They had gotten so bad that I would be ashamed to be seen in them. I even organized the underwear drawer. Now that is dedication!

Scales say I am up two pounds, I know where that is coming from. You know that lovely gift Mother Nature has bestowed upon us women. UGH. This is especially fun for us dieters that are living and dying by the numbers on the scale.

Since I found this cool little website http://www.ladytimer.com/. I get emails warning me of the impending urge to watch lifetime with a box of Kleenex and a bag of chocolate covered potato chips.

I have never been good at keeping track of our "friend" (should be fiend). She always snuck up on me and made me wonder why I was acting so bitchy. Wondering why that stupid Hallmark commercial made me burst into tears. She also sabotaged my weight loss efforts by making me think I had gained anywhere from 3-6 pounds in a few days. Until I started keeping track of her and my weight on a regular basis I had no clue how much this affected me. Looking back I think this could have been the reason for the failure of so many weight loss efforts prior to this one.

I have to say thank God for ladytimer because she has helped me realize that I am still on track and doing well.

Monday, March 23, 2009

It's Monday, where did that motivation get to?

Mondays, the beginning of the week, the beginning of the diet. The beginning of many resolutions. Stop smoking, start recycling, start walking dogs more often, start diet, stop whining, stop cursing, start getting up on time...and on and on and on.

Why is it when Mondays get here the motivation is sometimes there with a vengeance or all the air is out of your balloon?

As I look around at the laundry list of things I need to do (which includes laundry), vacuum, dust, clean up, etc. and I just feel tired.

I know I am not alone on this one. There wouldn't be so many self help books or diet info-mercials if I weren't. When it comes right down to it you don't need any of that crap. It is just you and the power of inertia.

What is it that gets some people up and off the couch? Perhaps it is God, a pushy sibling, a prayer, a mantra, or looking at the grandma arms you have? Maybe it is love, the love you have for yourself, your family, your friends, who all want to see you succeed.

Sometimes I feel as if I have the little devil and the little angel on my shoulder's just like on the cartoons.

Devil-"Hey make some nachos and watch Hulu on line. You can clean and exercise later. Besides you had a rough weekend you deserve it right?"

Angel- "If you start now you can have all the laundry put away, the clutter picked up, and fit in a work out before dinner. Perhaps later you can take the dogs for a walk. Won't you feel so good, won't you have a sense of accomplishment?"

Devil- "You could twist your ankle, pull a muscle in your back and then you would be out for a week or two! Sit back relax, make a glass of tea you have lost a bunch of weight. Today doesn't matter. Besides you slept in so you wasted most of the day anyways."

I think I just had one of those moments on sit-coms where the screen goes all wavy. Where the character has this fantasy for five minutes and then pops right back into the script as if nothing has happened.

I do believe that my obsession with overeating and bad habits is a bit of a demon, sort of like addiction or alcoholism. Addiction will tell you anything and everything to keep you depending on it and to stay in charge.

The overeating and laziness are like one of those old couches that once you settle into it you practically need a forklift to get up. You feel like a bug on its back with all four appendages flailing helplessly.

I am thankful for this blog because it does help bring into focus the problems I have. This addiction of sorts and how warped it can cause my thinking to be.

I think I just have to yell louder than my devil and drop kick her fat ass off my shoulder.

I am going to run now, I have dogs to walk and laundry to fold.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

New Day New Numbers!

Nothing like your snuffling wiener dog to make you rise and shine at 6:00 AM on a Sunday. Of course after he is done with his business he isn't ready to go back to sleep. Oh no, time to play, to sniff things never sniffed before. Time to lick you on your face until you get your butt out of bed and play! Ah the joys of raising my four legged 8 month old baby with a tail.

Of course the husband doesn't get woke up. He is happily imitating a bag pipe being run over by a steam roller. Or perhaps a duck being squeezed to death?

So I think to my self.."Self," (this is self talk if you haven't guessed yet) "new week, need to weigh in." I get on the scale and it says 314, I think "Yeah right, you have betrayed me before.". I get on the scale again, 314.1, and again 314.0. Three times a charm baby we have negative numbers! Woo hoo!

Now wait a darn minute! Don't I recall a sinus headache, laying in bed, doing nothing, pity pizza party, and a day of becoming one with my couch? How can it be that I can count every blessed fat gram, every calorie, every carb, every ounce of dietary fiber, run in place, hop up and down every day for a week and gain? Then a couple days off track and I am down four pounds?

Ahh who knows. The numbers are down, the news is good so let's just roll with it shall we?! I have an appointment with my Dr. to keep track of my progress on the 30th thank God I will have something good to say. Sixteen pounds lost since the last time I saw him on January 30th.

With such a long goal ahead of me sometimes it is easy to lose sight of how much weight I have actually lost. I mean if you think about it the average size of a large dog food bag is around 15 pounds. I have lost a bag of dog food. (Picturing myself with a giant orange bag of Iams strapped to ass)
If you had to run around Wal Mart carrying a bag of dog food for about a half hour you would really be ready to put it down. I put down a bag of Iams in two months! Holy cow! Since October I have lost two Iams bags and a 5lb bag of potatoes. No wonder my dogs follow me everywhere.

I think it is important that I celebrate these little victories myself. After all I am the one that has to keep going. I don't have some great life coach following me around screaming "You can do it!". I think I would probably either hit them at some point or fire them repeatedly.

Well this is definitely a good way to start the day and start the week.

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Embracing My Inner Sloth

It is Saturday, the sun is shining, the birds are singing, it is a gorgeous day. What am I doing? Frolicking outside, prancing in the sun, nay nay I am on my couch.
I am playing with my Ipod, watching a box set of the X-Files and blogging. Some days were ment to try to become part of your sofa.
Don't get me wrong I love fresh air and blue skies but sometimes pulling the furs up and hiding in the cave are fun.
I have had an off week when it comes to being on my diet and exercising. Sunday begins a new week and I am ready to start anew with a fresh perspective.
One of the downfalls I have had of previous diets has been using any excuse to throw my diet to the wind and go right back to eating like a maniac.
So I am going to succeed by doing things differently. I am going to not worry about the pity pizza party and and the lack of exercising. I will get back on the wagon and drive it like a bat out of hell.
Long live a new week a new day!

Friday, March 20, 2009

Things that Suck and Things that Don't

Ahhh nothing like the feel of a sinus/migraine headache to welcome in the first day of spring!
Yes today has been a fun filled festival of tissue, pills, cold fans and a dark room. Those fellow sinus and migraine sufferers know exactly what I am screaming....er.....whispering right now.

The dueling scales are still out of sync...what EVER at this point. I will be the eternal optimistic-pessimist and go with the higher numbers (they are probably right). My higher scale is giving me 318, 318, and 318 consistently. Even after the pity-pizza party I had last night (oops probably shouldn't have told you that) I lost instead of gained-I think, damn scales.

On to good news, I got my eagerly awaited package from Catherines via UPS. I was brave enough to get out the measuring tape and measure my awesome boobage. According to the the tape I am smaller-hooray yahoo yippee woo hoo! To explain my exuberance at the smaller size my bra size has done nothing but escalate since 1999 to actually see smaller digits is a thing of wonder. I have gone from 50 poke your eye out DDD to 48 DDD. Yes this is a small victory but damn it, I am going to prance like a pony for my small victory. After discovering my newly smaller boobage this called for a celebration of sorts, ordering new bras, primarily because they were buy one get one half price.

I have to say the Playtex 18 Hour Bra with the Comfort Fit strap is the best for over those of us who are extra blessed upon our chestses. They actually put your breasts in the proper position. Which by the way is not looking at your shoes. The straps have this gel in them that keep them from digging into your shoulders. If you measure properly you can breath in them and they don't bind and leave your back itching. If you are wondering where to get it www.catherines.com or www.playtexfits.com. I prefer Catherines because they are always running great sales.

The next happy hooray announcement is that I ordered a camisole for my anniversary. When I got married two years ago I bought a 30/32 camisole and it fit and it was pretty and all. This year I have ordered a 26/28. It is pretty it looks good I don't resemble a blue sausage with rubber bands wrapped around it. I also ordered a T-shirt in a similar style I had previously ordered in 5x in a 3x. This is huge the 3x is a 24/26, guess what, IT FIT!

I need to give a little history on why I am so elated at the slightly smaller sizes. Most of my adult life I have done nothing but get bigger and bigger and bigger. Back in 1997 I actually went down about three sizes and that was the biggest accomplishment I had. Since then I have gone from a misses size 14 to a super sized-plus size 32 and I was pushing that 32 to it's limit last October. I dare say I might have crept in to a 34 just didn't purchase any. It has been has been a tough struggle to get from 32 to 24/26/28 (depending at what store you are at).
For anyone else who is struggling and has fallen down only to trip and fall again, just keep going. It is worth it. Perhaps I need to tattoo that backward onto my own forehead so I don't forget it.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

How much do I weigh?

This morning I get up and changed the batteries in my scale. It had been pitifully giving me the Lo Bat warning for far too long. I stepped on and assumed the position of prayer to God that the numbers would be lower.
They weren't. 318.9
I said some ugly words and stepped on again, 319.00, again 320.00.Uhhh was I gaining weight at the speed of smell!? What the hell was going on here? I look over at the other older scale and raise my eyebrow. Let me back up a bit here. Since I started my weight loss back in October of 2008 I was 350 pounds it would not weigh me because it's cap out was 330.Now that I am happily below 330 I thought to myself, let's give the old one a go and see what it has to contribute.
309 says old scale. I think it was trying to get back in my good graces.I weigh one, two, three more times on old scale 309 each time. I like the old scale, but I know he is lying to me...I think.

Now that I am completely perplexed I get back on the other scale and it says 318.So who or what do I believe? How do I know how much I weigh?I have been on a plateau for two weeks and now I have dueling scales...ugh.
I trudge on forward through my weight loss battle clueless as to my true weight. I suppose the only thing that matters is that my clothes are getting looser and I feel much better. I will weigh again tomorrow and see how much each one thinks I weigh.