(You are secretly singing the song in your head right now with the trumpets blaring all disco style in the background right now aren't you?)I went and spent way too much money on vury cool shoes.

(You are secretly singing the song in your head right now with the trumpets blaring all disco style in the background right now aren't you?)
I have ordered a new swimsuit and cover up in anticipation of joining the YMCA and taking water aerobics. I was very pleased with my superior shopping skills, I got a 96.00 swimsuit and a 48.00 cover up for 55.00 which includes shipping and tax. I was whipping out coupons and discount cards and winking at my computer. Voila super nice swimsuit even better price. I am trying out something new, a "shortini" swimsuit which is two pieces one is a pair of shorts with sewn in panties and the other is a tank top type deal with a built in bra. I am very excited to get them and try them on. Until then I will wear an old stand by swimsuit to class. Now I have to locate a swimming cap so I don't turn my hair green.
Ok I have fallen off the wagon, into the gutter and now I am rolling around in the gutter and splashing in puddles.
SuperPucky has been bad, naughty, terrible and made some "ineffective choices" as my therapist would tell me. In other words I am eating like an idiot.
Ever since my trip to Charleston it has just been a free for all of eating like I have a tapeworm and it is all going to magically go away. Eating as if I won't start gaining weight. (Which I have about four pounds or five depending on how my scale feels that morning)
TOM and his unpredictability has me believing that some of the weight gain I have experienced is just water, but personally I think some of it is good old fashioned fat.
Birthdays can be hard for me and I am ignoring that quite well. Yes I am proud that I am much smaller than I was last birthday and I am doing very well. Yes I am proud of the accomplishments that I have made, so why am I undoing them? Why am I backsliding and why can't I stop? I don't get it, I know what is going to happen if I keep this crap up. I know that pizza is not a smart food choice. I know that frappacccpappachinoos from Starbucks are not low in fat. I know that coffee cake is not the way to a smaller me. I know all this, yet I still eat. Am I trying to sooth a hurt that I am ignoring? Am I trying to fill a hole inside myself that I am pretending isn't there? What in the ham sandwich is wrong with my brain?! Grrrrr.
Am I scared that I may succeed? Am I scared that I won't make my goals by January? Am I secretly making the failure true so I don't have to worry about it? Am I thinking to hard?
Ok I have been here before and I have said curse words, threw up my hands and "Ah to hell with it all", gained the weight back and was terribly miserable. Then I begin the cycle again by hitting rock bottom and starting all over. Usually the starting all over is from an even higher weight because I just have to top myself.
So we are going to do things differently this time. I will catch myself before I fall too far. I will stop the "ineffective" eating aka eating like a refugee at the rice drop. I will claim victory over this stupid problem and move forward. :::"Onward Christian Soldiers" playing gradually louder in background:::::: I will not repeat the mistakes of the past because I AM smarter than that. I HAVE learned from my mistakes. I WILL lose more weight and I WILL be SUCCESSFUL! As God as my witness I will not go one more month weighing over 300 pounds! YOU HEAR ME INTERNET! :::shakes fists of fury:::

Our room at the Charleston Marriott
