Ok I am needing some feedback from my readers. (All five gazillion of you :P )
When I was leaving Subway with the fuzzband today (feeling pretty proud for not caving in to getting Mexican for lunch) we crossed in front of two teen aged boys. The bane of all plus size women and men is the cruel teen. I looked over to make sure I was not going to become a grill ornament on their dad's Volvo. I noticed them gawking at me, not just glancing up or looking, I mean full on gawking and giggling. Being plus sized for a large part of my life I have gotten used to stares from people. Today it kind of slapped me in the face. I have been so proud of my progress and happy with my new smaller size. These two pimple covered dorks sucked me right back into feeling like an awkward teen. All of a sudden I could feel how big 310 lbs. are. I felt like someone snuck up and popped my balloon that had "Way to go on the 40 lbs!" plastered all over it.
Am I alone on this one? Has anyone else had complete strangers sum you up with a stare and a giggle. Or have you ever gotten the elbow and whisper between two people as you pass. Of course then there are the a-holes who speak loudly enough for you to hear them.
I know most would say, "Don't let them bother you. They are just stupid teens." or the ever popular "You shouldn't let what other people think bother you they don't know you, they don't matter.". The thing is I know all of that and I understand that but DAMMIT I am tired of being entertainment for others!
I had a cup of water in my hand as I crossed that street. It took every ounce of energy I had not to hurl the water at that car as hard as I could.
I am a human being. I deserve respect. I deserve the right to be able to walk down the street, through the mall, or in any public area without being ridiculed. If I were a minority it would be racism or bigotry, but since I am over weight it is open frickin' season.
UGH! I wish I had a paintball gun and I could just unload on the insensitive douche bags who think that just because people are overweight that it is OK to pick on them.
I know that this is a bit of a rant, and I apologize for the bitching. I feel better having expelled that hatred. I know idiots can't help being idiots because they were born with smaller brains. So I shouldn't be angry at them because they are functionally retarded, because after all wouldn't that be wrong?
AND THEN - On top of it all, in the middle of everything else, Ike has dyslexia. I've suspected something was up for awhile now (one of my older brothers has dyslexia...