Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Gripped By Inertia

Ugh I am feeling a bit panicky here. I am looking at my dirty house and thinking I only have two and a half days to clean this thing before blast off. Not to mention packing and printing list thingies and putting dinner reservation numbers in my phone. Whoa....gotta breathe here. Gotta find my zen. What have I done today, well first I slept in because my insomnia decided to keep me up late and my sleep meds didn't kick in until oh 1:30 AM. So after I rolled out of bed and looked at the pile of dishes in the kitchen and the disarray that is my domicile I sighed and got back in bed. Sometimes I set these really high expectations for myself and then I start to freak when I can't complete them on my insane time frame. So I shove them under the carpet where no one will notice that giant lump accumulating. Then the panic begins to build because my magic shield which is my bedspread starts to wear thin and the panic starts seeping in.
So I get out of bed and look frightfully at all the things I have to do and get a little more panicky. So I sit down in front of my laptop to try to at least regain some normalcy here and begin to check email and blog a bit. When pondering on subjects to blog the obvious rose to the top which is my current state of anxiety. I think maybe I need to take one of those meds my nice Dr. gave me that I save for special occasions like panic attacks. If anyone out there has ever had the pleasure of having a panic attack they know that it is not a picnic. It is awful for you and the carnage that any innocent by standers in my instance endure can be bad. I can get mean sometimes and not mean it. Ugh the joy of anxiety problems. This is the very thing that makes me re-think becoming a mother. How am I going to handle it when my child turns two and I have to do several things in one day and they throw a tantrum and I have a panic attack?
How in the ham sandwich am I going to handle all of this! OK, OK this is not helpful. One day at a time, one minute at a time, stay in the now. Phew.
Great gravy. I am not doing to well here. OK need to delegate and prioritize.
Sorry that my mental ramblings have puddled on my blog but sometimes I just gotta get this stuff out of my head. I am hoping that my readers are not looking at this post in horror thinking about butterfly nets and straight jackets for everyone. I don't usually get this odd, it just happens prior to a big event such as long vacation that requires planning.
I am going to eat a nice lunch take my meds, make a list and start eating this elephant one bite at a time.

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