Monday, July 13, 2009

Random Thingy Things and Stuff

Hi ho folks Amanda the Puck here. Pucky with the achey backy ugh-y. (ok I just made myself nauseous with the extraneous use of the eee sound).
I had the bestus time ever on Saturday night watching two of the cutest children ever. I am not kidding they were exceptionally well behaved and sweet. The only two lingering side effects from my babysitting are: 1. Baby fever getting worse 2. back ache. I happily gave the two rugrats a bath and we were having a big ol time playing stinky feet, stinky hiney and stinky pits. After it was all said and done I had to get them out of the bath tub. Sooo with out even a second thought I lifted them up and out of the tub. Wrong answer...by the time I was headed home I had the tell tale twinges popping around my lower back muscles.
I pretended the twinges weren't there and pretended my back wasn't achy. The next morning I set about getting ready for guests to come over when gggzzzrrrrrrt zap gzzzzrrrrt. If you are wondering why there are all sorts of strange letters there they stand for the pains that go shooting through my lower back muscles at the weridest moments. The first one was when I went to grab a hand towel to wipe my face after teeth brushing. Because you know it was a fifty million pound towel with amazing abilities. At that moment I knew that I was in trouble. The pain was so severe I gasped and couldn't move for about a minute and a half. Fuzband was brushing his teeth and looked perplexed that picking a towel off the rack would induce such pain. If you have ever gotten an electric shock that is precisely what the pain in my back felt like except add some stabbing needle pain in there with it. So I suppose if someone took knitting needles and hooked them up to a car battery and then jammed them in your back muscles that would be close to the pain I feel at unexpected unpredictable moments.
I took some advil last night and fell asleep so I thought to myself, this is not a really bad back episode you will be fine. Denial is not just a river in Egypt folks. I got up today with all sorts of plans of laundry and YMCA and baking roasting hens. About half way through laundry gzzrrrtt zap gzzzzrttt even more painful from yesterday and now with a pleasant aching after taste. I fought it but out came the Darvocet and the Flexiril. So much for YMCA, baking and putting up the laundry that I am about to finish.
Here I sit waiting on my pills to kick in putting in an entry and frustrated that my body is not co-operating with the program. I am doing so well on the weight loss front. I am exercising, I have tons of energy I get lots and lots of things done and boom set back. I know I cannot push myself harder than my body will allow and the whole no pain no gain shtick but dammit dammit dammit. Instant gratification nowwwww! Huh...isn't that what got me in this whole predicament to start with? I mean if I didn't eat what ever I wanted when ever I wanted over the last ten years I wouldn't be having this back ache now would I?
Hard cold truth is what this back ache is, it is a reminder of the damage I inflicted upon myself for a decade of sadness. THANK GOD it is over with. Thank you God that I have seen a different way of life and that I have changed things.
Thank God that I have lost 16% of my total weight since October of last year. That's right 16%! I was just doing a little figuring today after I did my morning weigh in and was floored to figure that I am 1/3 of the way to my goal weight and 55 pounds down in 9 months! I am so blessed to be in the position I am in right now to lose weight, exercise and take care of myself. Sometimes I have to step back and pinch myself to make sure this is all real. I recall how absolutely miserable I was October of last year.
You know what the final straw was? A back ache. Ironic isn't it? Mind you that back problem landed me immobile in bed for a day or two. It was much worse than this one. I remember going to the Doctor and begging him for help and begging him for something, anything to get me started. He gave me a miracle drug that got me away from my food addiction. Phentermine, whoever invented Phentermine has my undying gratitude.
I remember the desperation of that day thinking of all the things that my weight had done to me, it had robbed me of:
self respect
the ability to go up and down the THREE stairs to my front door without my husbands help or leaning on the railing
my ankles
my neck
the ability to breath at night w/o being propped up by pillows
the ability to turn over easily in bed
a normal dress size
being able to go into a small bathroom stall
feeling like a sensual/beautiful woman
my zest for life
my ability to get pregnant without endangering myself/my baby or both
the ability to make a grocery store trip without being completely spent afterward

I have gained almost everything in that list back. The only exception is the pregnancy, but we are almost there, only 45 more pounds to go on that one.
I am so happy to say that I am so much more mobile than I used to be and I am over the moon that it is only getting better. I am actually looking forward to my life and my future again. I feel hopeful. Hope is a powerful presence it is the most important thing you need in a weight loss endeavor. It pains me to think that there was such a time in my life when I had none. It also makes me very, very, thankful.
I want to take a minute to thank some of the people who have been there for me when no one else was:
Jesus Christ
my sisters
my husband
my best friend Andrea-you started kicking me in the ass when no one else had the courage-thank you.
Thank you to everyone again and if your name is not on that list and you consider yourself one of those people, you are.I am grateful to you, I am just on pain meds and that is probably why I forgot to add you to the list and why I am getting all wistful and misty right now.
Also thank you to Blogger and my readers for being an audience for my struggle and giving me a cathartic outlet to vent to.
You all have my gratitude.

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