Saturday, August 29, 2009


I am sure I probably mispelled absenteeism, at 3:50 AM who gives a crap anyway.

Things have not been really super for SuperPucky.

.....this is a cathartic post and not particularly sunshine and roses type diatribe so feel free to skip.

Let us begin the list because I just have to get this off my chest:

1. Acid reflux attacks-imagine a basketball that has nails sticking out of it inside of your chest. This basket ball is slowly being inflated and then lit on fire while it over inflates. The pain is excruciating and if I had not already had one before you would swear to God it was a heart attack. Pain so unbelievably bad I was driving like a bat out of hell to the nearest hospital with nothing but panties a night shirt and my Dooney and Bourke. This is now under control thanks to medication. Praise god for Protonix.

2. SuperWeezie moving, SuperWeezie is getting her own place which is causing a little chaos in my home. Normal moving B.S. and the stress of change which for folks like me with anxiety just plain sucks.

3. The UTI that will NOT go away, lets just say that I am on round TWO of different antibiotics and I am getting sick of orange pee and cranberry juice (this begins week two). I am probably going to have to go to the Dr. AGAIN because I don't think the new one is working. Frickity, frick frick.

4. Two words....root friggin' canal, well that was three but dammit I don't care. Normally this "painless" procedure is not so bad and it is done in two visits. Oh nooooooo not for me during the month from hell. I take three visits on the second of which the Novocaine does not get to the area where they are driving WIRES into the roots of my gums. Yes wires....so four roots four wires eight indentations on the arm rests of my dentist's chair. Brush your friggin teeth and don't insult the tooth fairy what ever you do people..seriously.

5. Time for Diflucan, side effect and primary symptom of root canal is abcess in gums and requires antibiotics. Which triggers a need for Diflucan and if you know what that med is for then you know how much fun that is and the fact I had to go get another one for the UTI from hell.

6. Spectaculary failure of the following:
a.) Dieting. (Can we say late night secret eating and gaining back 10 of the lost pounds and creeping back toward 300...holy bat shit)
b.) Not Smoking. I am smoking, not a lot, not a friggin chimney two pack a day lot about four to five. (not good not at all good)
c.) Exercising-YMC wha? when you have zero energy to barely clean your home and you feel like you have been kicked by a horse in the back just does not elicit the urge to sweat and "feel the burn"
d.) Co-Dependency-Hey you got a problem......I SuperPucky Supreme Queen of EVERYTHING can fix off of your problems. Because...hey you know since my shit is spectacularly fucked up I will be happy to ignore my problems and dwell on yours.
e.) Budgeting, sure I need those shoes, and that shirt and all those songs on I-Tunes..sure I do yeah, really need them.
f.) Anger Management, lets just say that I won't be going in a certain Office Depot any time soon and that will be another post for another day.
7. Job. I didn't even make it a fargin' year. I have to go back to work. I don't care if we cut out eating there just isn't enough wiggle room in the budget to allow me to stay at home to nurse my five gagillion ailments, lose weight and baby prep. Needless to say that since the want ads have gone from actually being a section in the paper to a three page joke full of people trying to sell ratty furniture that has been difficult. Bright spot on the horizon I am in the "HurryupandtellmeifIgotthedamnjob" mode as I had a final interview last week. Bleak spot on horizon no call backs on anything else. Is Wal Mart or McDonald's hiring? Waffle House is starting to look pretty damn good now. Damn economy.

8. Baby....In my infinite lack of wisdom I think in the midst of all turd storm of a month to dispense with contraception and start trying. I think it will be a brilliant idea to purchase the book What to Expect Before You are Expecting. One third of the way into the book I was ready to cry my eyes out and put a bullet in my brain. According to the last word on baby making you have to be Mother Theresa to get pregnant and I am pretty much a Concubine of the Devil. Oh and don't let me forget to mention that when I made the mistake of going to a CVS "Minute Clinic" to get the meds on a Sunday because I thought I was going to pass out from pain fever chills and the constant need to pee three drops. A man who reminds me of Milton from Office Space who could never in a majillion years take up gynecology insists that I am about to miss my period and I could be pregnant. Now I just ovulated about three days prior to my visit and he is telling me that I should be missing my period by now. Yeah he is brilliant and eloquent because he could barely get out the instructions for a clean catch urine sample. So after explaining that there is about a sliver of a gnats ass hair chance that I am pregnant and that you get false positives this early what does he do with my urine, gives me a pregnancy test. I am sure this is because they don't want "Minute Clinic" to be sued for a flipper baby or worse. I know he had to do the test, but he SMUGLY shows me the test as if to say, HAH see you AREN'T pregnant. That man had the bedside manor of well....MILTON...."Um I believe you have a um UTI.....". Unlike many women who sigh a breath of relief to get this news my soul just shrank a little. I know it could be false negative, but I REALLY didn't need that after all the b.s. that you have read prior to this.

9. Insomnia, yeah, this post is being written at 4:30 AM, I was up to 4:30 AM yesterday and doesn't seem to be getting better. I wonder why I can't sleep?!

10. Disney, I will not be going back to Disney in November to see all the pretty lights and ooh and aaah. No going to enjoy the uber cheap bounce back price I got and free food. Due to our spectacular financial situation that just didn't make sense at all. I know it sounds contrite and spoiled but that was really a light at the end of the tunnel for me. Plus if I get this job I don't believe it is prudent to immediately ask for a week off from mandatory training.

11. Therapy, this should not be shocker, I am now back in therapy to help me deal with items 1-10 and all the other bat shit crazy flying around in my poor overworked brain. I am glad I ended with Therapy because that will get me back where I need to be at what should be focusing on myself and my spirituality.

In conclusion I would like to write a letter to August 2009.

Dear August 2009,
You suck. You are hot and humid and you are a flaming turd on the calendar. I am so glad that I do not have to endure you again. I am glad that you are in the past and that September is coming and it WILL be better. I will make sure it is better. Even if September has a few rough patches it will come nowhere near the sucktitude of you. So good riddance. I hope the next few days until the 1st will give me some respite from all the crap you have thrown at me.
I finally got some sense in my head and realized I needed to stop looking around like a lunatic for help. That I NEEDED to ask for help and pray to someone who is a LOT smarter than me. I got me some Jesus and that is all I need, that and a good nights sleep.

Semi Super-Soon to be SuperPucky

To those of you if any who stuck it out and read this whole entry thank you for participating in Whine FEST 2009 (tickets are not refundable). Funny lighthearted and encouraging posts will return I SWEAR.

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