Friday, July 10, 2009

Drug Store Candy Bar Pusher and Line Cutters

OK so I am all 54 pounds skinnier and what not and at Walgreens. I am all excited because I am actually picking up actual paper photos! Imagine that, they can be printed! Anyway back to my story. I was at Walgreens and about to leave when a woman who probably weighed in at around 275-280-ish and about 5'5" or 5'6" begins to pressure SuperWeezie and I to buy candy bars. I don't mean "Hey there are candy bars are on sale." I mean full on-out and out high pressure pitch to buy candy bars. I politely refused once, twice, THREE TIMES!! I even told her that I had lost 54 pounds and I don't need to gain any back. Not even a way to go, good job, Holy Crap how did you do that, just another pitch, "Well then you can buy it for someone else." -This is now attempt FOUR! Then she moves on to Weezie. At this point I have reached the upper levels of pisstivity and I say "For the love of God lady if you offer me a candy bar one more damn time!" At this point my hair is on fire and my teeth are at full itch.
I try to bolt for the door but the mother nature apparently wanted me to eat candy. It is raining sideways...not down, not slightly to the left, SIDEWAYS. It is blowing on me as I am trying to exit. Of course I do not have an umbrella! Of course I am carrying pictures that could be ruined by rain! Of course I am stuck here with the oompa loompa trying to hawk candy bars at me! I retreat from the biblical flood and try to stay as far as humanly possible from Candy Lady (which is difficult considering she is only about a millimeter away from the door).
You would think that a woman who weighs about as much as I do crammed into a 5'5" frame would be more sympathetic to another fellow plus size woman on a DIET! Nope, she was pushing that candy like crack. As SuperWeezie and I are hiding next to the shopping carts I hear her discussing her failed effort to hawk candy to the manager. They begin discussing the different tactics of candy-bar-shoving-down-throat-onomics. At this point to hell with the rain, my hair, my clothes, what is left of my temper, my pictures, I am so getting the ham sandwich out of there.
As I wrote this post I began to get angry again, and I know there are other fellow dieters out there that went to this Walgreens and got the same act. I know these other people fighting the good fight may have not been as strong or got pissed and weren't as outspoken. After feeling all this righteous indignation I hopped on ye old interweb net thing and found the customer service number for Walgreens. I am waiting on a call from the store manager of the Walgreens of Diet Doom and I will expect some sort of nice apology from him.
Go me.
Fast forward to about 9:00 clock yesterday, I am at Wal Mart (cursed stores that start with Wal) to buy frames for the very same pictures. I am in the self check out line patiently(check that) impatiently waiting for an available register. Then I see them, the evil family the "We all look like we could use a comb, a bath, a slap across the forehead, and a visit from Ms. Manners" family. The look like they are plotting something evil, something sinister, they are looking around with little grins on their faces. They are in the line right next to the self check out, they are attempting to cut between two of the self check out registers to bypass the five or six other people waiting in line to use the self check out. The five or six people who are at this point ready to go back and pick up some torches and pitch forks and head for customer service. At this point enter the heroine of our story, Wal Mart Cashier Czar of Self Check out area. She politely informs the Evil Family that they have bypassed all the people in line to make their way to the registers.
I being SuperPucky of the big mouth clan have to loudly thank the Czar of Self Check Out for her act of bravery saving all poor line waiters the indignity of line cutting. The Evil Mother says "Well I didn't know this wasn't the end of the line" (Insert chicken head like head swivel, attitude and dirty look.) SuperPucky of the Loud Mouth indignified line waiters just has to reply "Yeah right. The line ends behind all of us." Referring to before referenced poor line waiters who are now grumbling and beginning to contemplate finding those pitch forks.
Evil Mother begins to spout some diatribe full of double negatives, unintelligible word diarrhea and something including "She gonna get sassy, I can get sassy too." SuperPucky not one to back down for the little guy and especially not my ego/temper (which has at this point had just about enough of being tested today) spouts back,"If it means THAT much to you please go right ahead and check out."
The Evil Family sensing that they have actually made someone angry gets all excited and begins to simultaneously spew unintelligible poorly enunciated word vomit all over the place. At this point I am so over this whole Jerry Springer episode of "Wal Mart check out line-What evah what evah I do what I want". I just checked my crap out and got out of there. Might I add I was done before the evil family and in my car leaving before they exited the building? HAH! (Tis' I who had the last laugh and left first.)


Louise said...

What is with google and all the candy bar and candy ads at the bottom of the page??? One of them offers Chunky candy bars in bulk!!! What kind of sick joke is that??

Amanda aka SuperPucky said...

Ironicle ain't it?