See Wall, Apply Forehead at High Speed, Repeat as Necessary

Ok I have fallen off the wagon, into the gutter and now I am rolling around in the gutter and splashing in puddles.
SuperPucky has been bad, naughty, terrible and made some "ineffective choices" as my therapist would tell me. In other words I am eating like an idiot.
Ever since my trip to Charleston it has just been a free for all of eating like I have a tapeworm and it is all going to magically go away. Eating as if I won't start gaining weight. (Which I have about four pounds or five depending on how my scale feels that morning)
TOM and his unpredictability has me believing that some of the weight gain I have experienced is just water, but personally I think some of it is good old fashioned fat.
Birthdays can be hard for me and I am ignoring that quite well. Yes I am proud that I am much smaller than I was last birthday and I am doing very well. Yes I am proud of the accomplishments that I have made, so why am I undoing them? Why am I backsliding and why can't I stop? I don't get it, I know what is going to happen if I keep this crap up. I know that pizza is not a smart food choice. I know that frappacccpappachinoos from Starbucks are not low in fat. I know that coffee cake is not the way to a smaller me. I know all this, yet I still eat. Am I trying to sooth a hurt that I am ignoring? Am I trying to fill a hole inside myself that I am pretending isn't there? What in the ham sandwich is wrong with my brain?! Grrrrr.
Am I scared that I may succeed? Am I scared that I won't make my goals by January? Am I secretly making the failure true so I don't have to worry about it? Am I thinking to hard?
Ok I have been here before and I have said curse words, threw up my hands and "Ah to hell with it all", gained the weight back and was terribly miserable. Then I begin the cycle again by hitting rock bottom and starting all over. Usually the starting all over is from an even higher weight because I just have to top myself.
So we are going to do things differently this time. I will catch myself before I fall too far. I will stop the "ineffective" eating aka eating like a refugee at the rice drop. I will claim victory over this stupid problem and move forward. :::"Onward Christian Soldiers" playing gradually louder in background:::::: I will not repeat the mistakes of the past because I AM smarter than that. I HAVE learned from my mistakes. I WILL lose more weight and I WILL be SUCCESSFUL! As God as my witness I will not go one more month weighing over 300 pounds! YOU HEAR ME INTERNET! :::shakes fists of fury:::

Victory Is Within Reach!

Holy Calories Batman! The scale said blinkity blink-301.4-301.4-301.4. I can see 299 he is standing just outside of the spot light and giving me the raspberry and going "neener neener, Ha -Ha!" When I catch 299 he is going to get the noogies of a life time-and a spa pedicure.

Ever have one of those cleaning and rearranging binges that you can not stop! I feel like I have been hosting one of my own personal episodes of Clean Sweep. I regret to inform you that I don't have a budget for redecorating and my own personal team of decorators and carpenters. It is just me and the the hubby and the puppies. Between you and me, the puppies are not pulling their weight. OK, they do offer moral support in the form of wagging tails and a head licking while you are in some impossible twister position while rewiring your entertainment center. I have been doing some much needed rearranging that has made my life a hell of a lot easier. I am contemplating a trip to Home Depot to further my efforts but restricted budget has been cramping my redecorating efforts. I have gotten our rack stand in the living room and out of my bedroom (yes bedroom). It will accommodate our ever expnding collection of electronic gizmos. It looks super nifty like we are some sort of electronic geeks or something..uh..no not us!

I need to think about my new short term goal after 299, 280-is that too little, 275, 250-too much? I think maybe I am thinking too hard, I just need to hold on to the pull bar while the coaster car goes down the hill and scream "WHEEEEEEeeeeeEEEEE!".